I hate printers… but

I hate printers. I really, really do. I have a stack of old tech that I need to take to FreeGeek to donate and get it out of my house, and the stack has been in the hallway at the top of the stairs for almost 6 months now. And until this weekend, two printers were in that stack. I’m adding my most recent printer, a gift from my friend Tracy that I just couldn’t get to work. I am immensely grateful for Tracy’s friendship and generosity but this printer is a malfunctioning piece of designed-by-committee-for-profit tech that is essentially a scam designed to sell ink cartridges.

I hate them. But I need a printer. What should I do? I decided I would follow Nilay Patel’s advice and just get whatever Brother printer was on sale. It’s shipping to me even as I type this. It was a bit more than I wanted to spend, but my last two printers were free; it likely all evens out over time. Brother printers apparently do not do that thing where they only accept official Brother cartridges and have hard-coded deadlines beyond which they will not print until you buy new cartridges (I’m lookin’ at you, HP) so that’s a relief.

One of the reasons I want a printer now after having no working printer for a year is because I want to print maps and things for my upcoming in-person D&D game. Have I talked about that yet? Several folks in my group are coming in to town for a long weekend of nothing but games. Old men pretending we’re young once again. Playing all night like we did when we were teenagers. I am so very excited.

But also, I’m anxious. This weekend is going to be a big deal, or should I say, A Big Deal™. As the (one of the) Dungeon Masters it’s my reponsibility to present cool ideas and plots and characters. When we play online I only have to create digital maps and images, and there are enough tools out there that let someone who is more of an ideas guy create decent pictures. In-person means physical maps, actual minatures, physical props. I’ve got just over 3 weeks. What can I do in that time?

If I had a good printer I could print out some of the digital maps. Out comes the credit card, and by credit card I mean transfer from savings because I don’t have a lot of available credit. One problem, solved.

But miniatures? That requires purchasing them… or 3D printing them. Who do I know that has a 3D printer? Unfortunately, the first people I know with 3D printers are my players. They are all nerds like me. And they are all gainfully employed and have been for a while. I am certain they would be willing to print things for me; however, it would spoil the surprise.

Another option is buying one, but since I just bought a regular laser printer, I’m somewhat cash poor. Don’t have the cash flow for that.

Another option is using Multnomah County Library’s 3D printing service. However, printing an army of miniatures feels like abuse; it’s a free service after all. And some of the things I want to print might just possibly be copyrighted and trademarked material (no spoilers) so it’s likely they might deny my request.

I kept asking around, though, and I asked a coworker if they’d be willing to print some things for me. They’re counter-offer was to just loan me the printer! I about fell out of my chair. That’s incredibly generous. They said they rarely use it, and it would clear out some closet space. Looks like I’m going to be able to print whatever I want in the three weeks until the game.

Printers. I hate them. But they’re so very useful.