Author: Brian

Father’s Day ice cream cake

General

I will always think of him has being from New Jersey. My dad has objected to this in the past. “I’ve lived in Oregon for over 40 years!” he said once, “doesn’t that make me an Oregonian?”

Nope. Sorry, dad. You’re from Jersey. Oregonians are born, not made. I don’t make the rules here.

But you will always be my dad.

Oh, and thanks again for the bike! I’m sure you won’t want it back… now.

And now I have to get dressed to ride my (dad’s) bike to meet the rest of the family (including dad) for brunch. And ice cream cake. Oh, ice cream cake how I’ve dreamed about you all week! At least since talking my sister into getting one for Father’s Day, at least since then! Whoever thought to combine ice cream + cake is a frickin’ genius. Sure, lots of people serve ice cream and cake together. But think of the time you save having to only serve one item that has both ice cream and cake in it! So delicious.

…I’m sorry, what? Oh, right, Happy Father’s Day!

Mt. Tabor Challenge 5K (and biking)

General

Cross-posted from my running blog.

Late last week I signed up for the Mt. Tabor Challenge 5K. I’ve done that race a couple of times before. Last year I signed up but didn’t actually run it – there was a death in the family the night before; I wasn’t up to running that morning. The year before I ran it but got lost on the course (following two women who were also lost). So, really, I’ve only completed the race once before.

This year, because I’m getting into biking, I decided to ride my bike to and from the race, instead of getting a FlexCar. Google Maps told me it was 6.4 miles driving distance one way. This morning I left the house at about 8:20 AM on the bike. I wore my trail shoes to bike in, and brought along my trusty Brooks running shoes. It was fun biking, even though it was mainly uphill all the way there, and I had to stop and walk a bit twice. But I got to the race in plenty of time to get my bib number and get situated for the 5K.

I wasn’t planning anything for the run; just do the best I could. The first two miles, mostly downhill, I ran fairly fast (~8:45 pace) but had to walk briefly on the final mile. I finished in under 28:00, I think – forgot to stop my watch and didn’t see the clock because I was running hard at the finish. That would give me about a 9:00 pace overall, which is fine.

Maybe I could have done better if I hadn’t biked 6+ miles first? Just kidding. That probably helped me warm up.

I’ll post the official results when they come online.

The drink will flow and blood will spill

naked bike ride

Sorry it’s been so quiet around here. Summer’s almost here, the boys are back in town, and they’ve been asking if you were around; how you was, where you could be found.

Damn, what ever happened to Thin Lizzy?

At any rate, in addition to finally committing my thoughts and feelings about the naked bike ride to words, I also have a post in me about where and how our democracy is failing. Several things I’ve come across lately, from an advice columnist writing about workplace issues (just click through the ad – it won’t kill you), to a conversation with Tracy’s mom about the local Del Monte raids, to the drywaller’s strike, to my own union, have been leading me to finally see something that’s been there all along. And it’s not pretty. But it might take a long post to collect all my thoughts. That post is coming. Consider this a bookmark.

I’m a thinker, that’s for sure. I’ve also been involving myself in the physical, though. Meeting my youngest nephew for a movie tonight after work (he asked me to see Rise of the Silver Surfer). Got a 5K race on Mt. Tabor on Saturday, and instead of getting a FlexCar I’m going to bike there and back again. Father’s Day brunch Sunday morning (again, biking to and from), and I talked my sister into getting an ice cream cake from . And I’m trying to arrange two dates this weekend (yes, two different girls, why do you ask?)

So forgive me if I’m not ready to spend time documenting. Too busy living. 🙂

Naked Bike Ride: Bits ‘n’ Pieces

naked bike ride

I’ve got notes that I took immediately after the naked bike ride on Saturday night, and added to the following day, and I’ve been meaning to turn them into a huge long article.

But… minutes turn into hours, and hours turn into days, and before days turn into weeks I must stop and post something. I’ve put these snippets, these bits ‘n’ pieces if you will, in chronological order. They should have enough context to make sense. That’s my hope, anyway. They make sense to me.

After this, I want to write about how I felt, and how I continue to feel, about the experience. This post is just about the act and the little conversations I had along the way.

*****
At the tie table, I pulled out a tie with tiny little ducks all over it, and showed it to the cute blonde next to me. “If you like ducks, this is the tie for you.”

“Well, if you like ducks, maybe you should wear it. Do you like ducks?”

“I’m partial to ducks.”

“What kind of ducks? Mallards?”

“Wood ducks, mostly.”

“BOY ducks?” she said with a smile.

I laughed. “Wood ducks!”

“But if you liked boy ducks you’d only like about 50% of them,” she pointed out.

“Oh, no, don’t get me wrong. I like the OTHER 50%.”

*****
She was completely dressed. I caught up to her. “You kinda stand out,” I said to her.

She laughed, nervously. “Really?”

I said, “Well… you’re not NAKED.”

Indignant, she replied, “I took my top off!”

*****
I can’t tell which made me laugh more: the guys who wanted to high-five me, or the guys who WOULDN’T high-five me.

*****
“Man, when I wake up, this is going to be the BEST DREAM EVER.”

*****
People are either saying, “I’m so drunk!” OR “I’m NOT DRUNK ENOUGH.”

*****
Lady: “It’s good to see that you’re wearing your reflectors.”
Me: “Well, I want to be seen.”

*****
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! I don’t mean to MOON YOU.”

*****
Every man in the military, mostly sailors (I didn’t see any women in uniform), got a “Thank you for your service!” from me.

*****
My quadriceps are gonna hurt like hell tomorrow.

*****
On Front Ave., some of the floats from the Grand Floral Parade were parked. I stopped long enough to pull out a purple flower and stick it in my helmet.

*****
As I mentioned, the party theme was “office casual” and back at the party there was a pile of ties from which to choose. I had one, and wore it all night. About two thirds into the ride, I realized it was covering me up. I wanted to be naked. So I flipped the tie around to dangle down my back.

*****
“I’m cold!”

“I’m not.”

“My breasts just suddenly got cold!”

*****

Naked Bike Ride: Prologue

naked bike ride, stripclub

Friday night. I’m at the Acropolis, as usual. I had to come in to see if S. was dancing. I wanted to tell her about the midnight naked bike ride.

She was.

I did. Right after watching her on the stage for a full set, and two private dances.

As the song ended, she was sitting in the chair opposite me. I leaned forward. “I’m doing something crazy tomorrow night,” I said.

Her eyes lit up and she leaned forward, too. “What?”

“I’m going on a naked bike ride.”

“What? Naked?” She thought a moment. “I think I’ve heard about that!” She stood up and gathered up her bra, panties and skirt.

“Yeah. It’s awesome. I’ve never been naked in public before. You’ve inspired me with all your talk about being naked.”

She looked down at me and her face grew serious for a moment. “Thank you! That’s… I appreciate that.” She struck a pose, arms wide. “The world needs more naked people!”

I laughed. “I agree completely!”

She sat down in the chair next to me and put on her thong, carefully stepping into them with her 9-inch platform shoes. “Have you ever seen a naked war?” She arched her back to raise her ass so she could pull the panties up.

“No! Well… sometimes the losers are naked.” I pulled out my wallet, fished out the money.

She continued, on a funny rant. I don’t think she’d heard me. “How about a naked fight?” she challenged me, “Knife fight? Mugging? Nobody fights when they’re naked! Naked people are not angry people!”

“That’s very true. They’re too busy giggling.”

She laughed.

I pulled at my shirt, stopped. “I’d be so naked right now if I could.”

She nodded, hiding a grin. “I bet you would. I just bet you would.” She shrugged into her bra, stood, reached around and did the clasp.

I shook my head. “Curse these rules that keep me clothed!” I shook my fist in the air. I started to hand the money to her. She lifted one leg, balancing on one foot, and offered her stocking-clad thigh for me.

I tucked the money into the stocking. The brief warm contact of my fingers on her leg buzzed far more than it should have. I looked up and our eyes locked while she lowered her leg. I thought that was a neat trick of balance.

“My friend, Tracy? You’ve met her, remember?” Sharai nodded, I continued. “She doesn’t think I can do this. She wants me to… just doesn’t think I’ll go through with it.”

Our gaze was still locked and we stood very close together. In her shoes she was over 6 foot. I was looking up at her smiling eyes.

“What, like she think you’re gonna pussy out of it?”

I nodded, smirking. “But talking like that just makes me want to do it more!”

“Oh, no,” she said, enthusiastically. “You’re going to do it. You have that sparkle in your eyes.”

I like to ride my bicycle

naked bike ride

Quick post before I go to bed:

Yes I did it.

It was the best thing I have ever, ever done.

And I’ve done a lot of awesome things.

But tonight, naked, on a bike, with 500 of my newest friends… that’s the topper.

I can’t wait to go looking through Flickr and YouTube this week.

More details later. G’night, Portland! I love this town!

My Naked Bike Ride Update

naked bike ride

Hollie, as you may have read in the comments on my previous post, offered to help me find a bike. If the universe wants to help me in this silly quest, who am I to ignore it? Hollie did an amazing amount of research in a short time, and came up with several recommendations based on my simple idea. Sadly, some calls to local bike shops did not immediately turn up the bike models in question, but I figured I still had Saturday to find one or something similar.

I had lunch with Ken today, and he reacted with surprise when I mentioned my little joke about him not letting put my naked ass on his bike. I feel a bit guilty for poking fun at him that way, but in my defense, Tracy thought that way, too.

Also, it turns out that Ken is in the process of buying a new bike for his wife, and getting his bike out of mothballs (heh, I said “mothballs“) and getting back into riding. He and I talked about bikes and the models that Hollie had mentioned.

And then, again, as you can see in the comments, Dad turns up with a bike that he rarely uses. For free.

Thanks, Dad!

Remember what I said about the universe wanting to help?

Looks like the universe wants me to do this. Or at least my friends do.

Let’s ride!

Blasting through the walls of repression

naked bike ride, stripclub

So, it’s a running joke between Tracy and I that I’m repressed, at least where it comes to sex and sexual expression.

Oh, sure, I hang out in strip clubs and flirt with the dancers, but when I’m outside the club, in the real world, I fail to act on what should be normal, human, desires. And when I am dating a woman… It’s not all whipped cream and sweaty skin, if you know what I mean.

Slowly, over time, this idea, that I’m repressed, has filtered into my conscious mind. And I know that it’s a problem. And, being who I am, I want to fix the problem. Only… how?

If I visualize the repression as a wall of stone, thick and cold, gray, covered in oily black-green vines… then the way to fight it is to either climb over it, dig under it… or blast through it.

My favorite dancer, “S”, loves being naked. She really and truly finds joy in being naked. She hangs out at “clothing optional” beaches. She wanders around her house naked. And even in the club, she seems more alive and happy when she’s got no clothing on.

…and I’m really comfortable around her. A large part of that, I believe, is the connection that comes from her being comfortable in her own skin.

Then, today, I read about Pedalpalooza, a celebration of bikes and bicycling. More importantly, I read about the World Naked Bike Ride.

I’d read about it last year. There was a nighttime ride and a daytime ride. I’m a voyeur – I looked at the pictures, watched the videos (warning: NSFW). I had forgotten that it was an annual event until I saw it on some blog again today.

Talking to Tracy, I complained. I said, if only I had a bike, that sounds like fun.

Tracy called bullshit on me. She’s my best friend. She knows that I would never actually be naked in public.

Tracy was mostly right. Mostly, like 99.999997% right. I knew it. I didn’t argue with her. Much. The repressed parts of my brain (I’m sure there’s more than one because it seems like they gang up on me) were screaming and wailing at the very thought of being naked in a crowd of strangers while sitting on a bike in the Eastside Industrial District. I’m a 42-year old man, a man who is still overweight, a man whose ancestors were hairy people. I’m one of those guys that people joke about wearing a sweater when I take off my shirt. At a party in Mexico, slender hairless muscular Mexican men were calling me “Danny De Vito”. I don’t have great self-esteem when it comes to being naked.

But… I kinda wanted to try it. More accurately, I wanted to be the kind of guy who would try it. I wanted to be able to tell S., the next time I saw her, that I had, in fact, been naked in public. I wanted to be able to blog about it.

I’ve raced cars, both in formal settings and late night, on the streets. I’ve jumped from airplanes. I’ve walked around dangerous parts of New York City by myself. I have moshed. I’ve had an affair with a married womon and then become friends with the husband.

I can be brave. No, scratch that – I am brave.

So I made a deal with Tracy. First, I needed a bike.

My first thought was asking to borrow a bike. Ken is about my size and has a bike. I’d ask him if I could borrow… No. Tracy and I both cracked ourselves up. Ken is many things, but he’s got, shall we say, cleanliness issues. There is no way he would let me ride his bike while I was naked.

So the deal is this: if I can find a bike that fits my budget before Saturday night, I will ride in the Naked Nighttime Bike Ride, along with all the others. I run, I’m fit. A bike would complement my running nicely.

I allowed Tracy to come up with the consequence if I don’t do this. Her first thought shows that, one, she knows me very well, and, two, she has a subtle and devious mind.

I can’t run for a week.

Running is my therapy and my passion. Not running for a week would be pure psychological torture. It may sound odd to folks who don’t run, but, believe me… I would go crazy. Um… crazier.

And now, I’m blogging about it. I’m putting my reputation on the line. I will do this.

I will blast through the walls of my repression.

Plus I’ll have an awesome story to tell.

OK, time to read up on the tips for first-time naked cyclists… And if you’re wondering, no, riding naked is not illegal.