Day #14 – The Resistance Thing

Five hours ago, laying in bed trying to go back to sleep, I had some vague idea what to write here. I did not write it down, however, so it’s lost to the vagaries of sleepy-brain.

I’m supposed to just write whatever I want. That’s the point, right? Just pound out 500 words and get it over with? Grease the groove so that when I want to write something, it’s easy to start because I’m used to it? So why am I hesitating this morning?

I don’t want to just relate my day and journal what I’ve been doing. I want to write something great. I want an amazing anecdote or pithy observation to just flow out of my fingers. I want a tight essay on a relevant topic. I want a polished piece of art to appear here.

I don’t. I can’t. I should. I haven’t. I won’t.

These are all the voice of my resistance. Those godsdamned negative thoughts are what I’m working to overcome. They are the burrs in the groove, the sticky spots. Those feelings, those words, are the whole fucking reason I’m doing this exercise. My inner critic. The Voice In The Back of My Head™ that prevents me from writing.

Fuck you, Voice In The Back of My Head™. I’m writing anyway. Here I go.

I’ve said it before and I will probably say it many times more in the future: these don’t have to be good. If you’re coming here daily to see what I’m writing, bless you, but I’m warning you: I am not promising any kind of quality. That will come, and it will happen on what will hopefully become a regular basis; for now, though, these are training runs. Not very exciting. These are the “get up in the morning and do 6 miles before breakfast” of my writing muscles. I’m writing them for me, and me alone.

Believe you me, I will let the world know when I write something I’m proud of. I’ll shout it to the world. Every one of my 364 Facebook friends, 939 Twitter followers, 251 Instagram followers, and 130 Tumblr followers will hear the Good News! Until then, I’m grinding out the words and pushing through the resistance.

Sigh. I lost my momentum. That’s a complete thought and it’s only 364 words to the end of that paragraph. Gotta keep going.

A picture of Max and Brian (the author), sitting on the beach, smiling, bumping fists.
Max and Brian bumping fists.

Yesterday was a great day. Woke up early, got coffee, wrote my words, then just hung out with the family/extended family. We all went to the casino for brunch, where I ate far too much delicious food, then we came back here and hung out on the beach. I sipped whiskey, and once or twice wandered down to the ocean to wade and soak my toesies. I brought a book to read but was too distracted. I got too much sun (shame on me—I did not wear sunblock). We ordered pizza for dinner, then watched TV after the sun went down. It was glorious. Even for an introvert like me.

Today I’m heading back to Portland after a bit because I can feel myself needing some recharge time, but I’m so grateful for being with the people I love. Need to do that more!