Monday morning. Woke up several times before my alarm went off today. Woke up at 4:30ish, 5:00ish, 5:30ish, and 5:45ish AM; alarm is set for 6:00 AM. Rolled out of bed with 6 minutes still on the clock. Not anxious, not sleepy, just ready to start the day.
Couldn’t tell if dad was awake downstairs or not so I creeped around quietly upstairs anyway. Weighed myseslf (about the same as always), got a shower. Had to shave and because I had let the beard grow out a bit over the course of 3-4 days, had to go carefully to avoid cutting myself, which I did, successfully. All good, all good.
Most of my work shirts were hanging up downstairs in the laundry closet, so I just put on pants and a t-shirt and went down to see if they had dried since yesterday. Dad was still asleep so I made coffee. Shirts were still damp in places, dammit all. Went back upstairs and found a slightly-snug collared shirt I could wear. It’s long sleeved, and the weather app on my wrist says it’s going to hit 80°F today, but I’ll be inside in air conditioning almost the enitre day so it should be fine. Should be fine, I say, shaking a mental fist at the weather gods.
Back downstairs wearing my work clothes. Dad was just waking up. Wished him a good morning, made small talk about the weather. He was bleary-eyed and still coming around. I grabbed a cherry turnover. I mixed up my coffee drink (2 ounces of chai concentrate, 2 ounces of half-and-half, 2 tablespoons of chocolate syrup on top of 12-15 ounces of brewed coffee) but I mispoured and got 3 ounces of chai, so I added a little more half-and-half to balance it out. The mug is stting here on my desk while I write this out, little BB-8 keeping it warm for me. I haven’t even tasted it yet. I did eat the turnover, though.
I like having these little moments in the morning. I did not always. This morning thing is new, maybe just in the last 5-10 years. Hard to believe something that happened in the last decade can be new; little 12 year old me is astonished, naieve little kid that he is. It’s OK, buddy, we’ve got a few more decades left in us yet. It’s going to be OK.
Just took a sip of the coffee and the chai is a bit overpowering in terms of flavor. It’s fine. It’s just a caffeine injection for me, to help me wake up and face the day. I have been probing myself for anxiety regarding work and I find that I’m OK with going in. Just the normal amount of anti-capitalism don’t wanna going on, not the stomach churning anxiety of fear.
Does that sound like I am damning the job with faint praise? Maybe it is but I consider it a win. I have to work if I want to keep sleeping under a roof and have access to health care but as far as jobs go, this one that I’ve found is not bad. And that’s good. I can live with it.