Tag: Showing up

A story of three hands, sort of

meta

I’m three days away from hitting a streak of 150 days in a row posting at least 500 words here. It’s been a great run. Well, great for reminding me that I can, if I put my mind to it, build up a habit of writing and posting daily. I’m proud of showing up and keeping it going, even at times when I’ve been busy with other things. No reposts of material that has already appeared here, everything original and never-before published on the open web. So on the one hand, it’s been good for my writerly instincts, building that habit, that rhythm, of tapping out something on a regular cadence.

On the other hand, I am not proud of every single post. Without going back and doing a personal audit I couldn’t give specific examples but I know that there are some, maybe even many, that do not make me feel joy for sharing it beyond incrementing the number of consecutive posts. That is not a great feeling. Many published authors have given the piece of advice that writers should not share their first drafts. First drafts are meant to just be a foundation for expansion of the good bits, deletion of the bad bits, sharpening the text and prose, sculpting a better text.

On the third hand, some of those posts that start out with me saying “I have no idea what I want to write about,” turned into something cool. By just starting, I was able to pull out an idea or a feeling that was lurking inside, hiding away from my conscious brain, unlocked by the magic of showing up. The ideas flow and something coalesces. It’s raw, unfocused, but there’s something good there. It just needs another draft, or some editing, to be great.

When I’m posting every day, though, I don’t often have the time to do that editing. I’m writing, as I am now, with just a few hours until midnight, my mental cutoff for “today”. I click “Publish” as soon as I finish writing it, in the heat of creation. I have been taking the time to do some quick software-enabled grammar and edit checks, but it’s not the same as taking an hour or two to reflect on what I’ve written, consider the overall message and how I develop my narrative and argument (if the post supports it), and look at the post with an editor’s eye instead of a writer with a deadline.

My blog now includes posts that are not as strong, as focused, as beautiful as they could be, because I didn’t give them time and attention and polish. There are other posts that probably are just typing exercises and shouldn’t be posted at all; these don’t even have a kernel that could be expanded and enhanced, it’s just a ramble without direction. Good for my typing speed and building a habit but little else.

I want to be better. I want every post here to be something I’m proud to publish, proud to share. What I’m saying is that I am shifting my goals. Instead of posting every day, my plan is to keep on writing every day. I need to keep that habit going because the intentionality of writing daily means it becomes more difficult to stop.

But I am not going to post everything I write. I think I will still make it a goal to post something here, but on the days when my writing isn’t a sparkling diamond from the first draft, what I’ll post is a link, or some inspiration, or maybe some pictures. I’ll mention how many words I wrote that day, perhaps, maybe comment on what I’m working on. My friend Tracy has challenged me to try to quantify how often I post, or come up with some measurable metric for it. Tracy, I will try to come up with a way to measure it but for now, I’m just going to say, I will only post the things I’m proud to share, whatever that may be. It’s an internal measurement of worth and I don’t know how to quantify that. Not yet.

I still have to hit 150 days in a row, though, before I’ll allow my goal to change. And I have several ideas for posts to reach that goal, don’t you worry. I’m still going, and this blog isn’t going anywhere. Blogging is back and I’m here to stay. Thank you for joining me.

Showing up

General

Here are some words so I can meet my daily goal of one post of at least 500 words. I’ve got a lot of feelings in my head and heart tonight but I am not in the mood to share so let’s see what else I can find to ramble about.

Kinda tired of the heat but as we all know, every summer is going to be hotter than the previous summer until the elites decide to stop killing the rest of us with their excess and hoarding. Or until we force them to pay attention. We do have the numbers, and they can’t actually get and stay rich if we were all united, I’m just sayin’. A little organization among us would go a long way toward making the world a better place.

I did manage to go out for a walk before the hot hot heat kicked in. I haven’t been closing my rings as much lately, pretty much exactly because of the heat and also my awesome new job which takes up a lot of my time and attention. Now that it’s the weekend, I just want to play my silly video games, work on my D&D game a bit, and not think about the world falling apart. Clearly I’m failing at that last goal. What can you do, aye?

As mentioned in my last post I do want to get a pet, a cat most likely. I think things are going to be stable enough that I can worry about someone not myself for a bit, and a cat would present just the right mixture of needs-attention and can-take-care-of-itself-sometimes, unlike, say, a dog, which to me feels a bit more dependent on direct attention. Dogs require excercise and walks and cleaning up their poop, where cats have the instincts to poop in one place, making cleanup a bit easier.

I have been drinking plenty of water, so that’s good. My calorie intake has been a bit high, and I’m not getting nearly enough fiber and protein, so I could be doing better in that regard. I will work on that one.

While dad was out on his dinner date, I went downstairs, took out the trash and the recycling, and mopped the kitchen floor. It was getting a little sticky, but it’s not anymore. Did you know that you can just use white vinegar to mop linoleum or whatever cheap apartments have for kitchen flooring? I added one cup of white vinegar to two gallons of hot water, and it worked like a charm. Once it dried you can’t even smell the vinegar, not that there was a lot to begin with.

Just need another fifty words. Good thing I allow myself to write out my thoughts. The whole point is to reach the goal, not make every post godsdamned poetic and perfect. These are the first drafts. I’m practicing showing up, not allowing my perfectionism to trip me up, y’know? I’m doing the best I can here.