Category: Movies

Movies

Movies

I see a lot of movies. I can’t, now, go back and list what movies I saw in 2007 due to a hard drive failure (dammit – make sure your backups are working) but I’m going to attempt to post about every theatrical movie I see in 2008.

This past weekend I saw the Sing-Along “Grease” with Tracy and her friend Gina. It was fun and cheesy… and the costume contest beforehand had some very sexy “Slutty Sandys” which almost made the entire thing worth it. As a movie… “Grease” is not among my favorites. But as audience participation, it was a blast. I’m completely comfortable in my heterosexuality to admit that.

I also saw “Charlie Wilson’s War” which was a delight. Entertaining political comedy. Rep. Wilson sounds like the kind of politician I’d like to be: liberal, single, boozehound, womanizer. His press agent’s response to a reporter asking if he’d ever been to rehab was, “Rep. Wilson will not go to rehab because they do not serve alcohol there.” But, seriously, he was trying to do a good thing after touring the refugee camps in Pakistan. Tom Hanks and Philip Seymour Hoffman both are amazing to watch, though I give the edge to Hoffman.

The Notorious Bettie Page

Movies, reviews

Possible spoilers on this post for the movie referenced above. You’ve been warned.

I love Cinema 21. Such a cool old independent movie house. Union shop, even. And I think they’ve done a little renovation since last I was there – looked cleaner, and the heating and air-conditioning seemed to be actually working. I love sitting in the balcony. Multiplexes don’t have balconies. Stadium seating is nice for the view, but it’s still a distant second to sitting in the balcony.

I was at C21 to see “The Notorious Bettie Page”, a biopic of the 1950s-era pinup model. I wasn’t sure what to expect – serious story or cheese? Frankly, I didn’t know much about Bettie Page beyond the fact that she was a busty brunette that seemed to become an icon.

But seeing the first scene with Gretchen Mol as Bettie, waiting outside a Senate hearing room, reading a letter from her sister back home in Nashville… Mol played the part with an amazing innocence and flirtatious charm. She seemed to be a girl who wanted to just have fun, found it hard to say no, and rarely saw any downside to accepting an invitation or request of any kind.

Of course, that led her into trouble, as she sometimes said “yes” to the wrong kind of guy. But the message of the film, at least what I took from it, was that trouble wasn’t a reason to mope.

The movie was light and campy, and fun, even with the heavier scenes at the beginning, they don’t weigh the film down with a lot of introspection. On reflection, I find this a bit surprising, but during the movie I just laughed along and enjoyed the naive way Bettie approached her modeling – even when she was tightly bound in a black corset and wielding a riding crop, Mol had this goofy, “Ain’t this fun?” grin on her face and a playful spark in her eyes.

Most of the movie is shot in black-and-white, which matched the feel of New York City where most of the action took place. When Bettie runs off to Miami for a vacation and a romp with a tanned beach boy, the movie bursts into bright primary colors, like Dorothy in the Land of Oz. That color shift also prompted an appreciative chuckle from me and the audience.

Don’t look to the movie for any deep thoughts on pornography or women’s issues. The Senate investigation is played for laughs, as Senator Kefauver (played by David Straithairn as exactly the kind of stuffed shirt that Edward R. Murrow, played by Straithairn brilliantly in “Good Night And Good Luck”, would enjoy taking down) leans in and with a subtle leer demands more information from his witnesses about bondage.

If it’s this fun, who could restrain themselves?

Ultraviolet (2006)

Movies

I saw “Ultraviolet” over the weekend.

One word review: dumb.

Longer rant-y review:

Take it from me, I’m a guy who loves all kinds of movies. No matter how bad, I can always find something good to say about it. Like, say “Howard the Duck” – oh, wait, I was out of town the week that was actually in the theaters. I never actually saw it. I swear.

And then there are movies that are so bad, they become fun again. An example would be, oh, just about any movie that Joel and the ‘bots were forced to watch on “Mystery Science Theater 3000”. Man, I miss those guys. (Sure, Mike was OK – but Joel was the bestest).

So where does that leave the vampire – oh, excuse me, “hemophage” – story of “Ultraviolet”?

Well… it had Mila Jovovich in it. And she was naked, once, briefly.

Unfortunately, even if Ms. Jovovich were naked for the entire running length of the movie it would not redeem this stupid movie.

Get this for stupid: The opening scene has Ms. Jovovich’s character posing as a courier picking up a very special package. The guards and defenses give her every test imaginiable to check if she is human or “hemophage” – ID and papers checked, DNA scans, blood scans, retinal scans, chemical baths, everything, all 100% unadulterated techno-babble-filled dialogue showing that these guys mean business and do not take their duties lightly. She passes test after test after test… when it’s obvious to everyone in the theater that she is, in fact, a “hemophage”.

But, uh, do they ever look at her teeth? You know.. the fangs in her mouth? Wouldn’t that be a big tip-off? Apparently not.

And, of course, they have to come up with some techno-babble reason for just why she then turns out to be, to the surprise of no one in the theater, one ‘a them there “hemophages”. Argh. Much better to have simply had her blast her way inside.

There’s so much to pick apart in this movie that it might, actually, be fun with the right group of ‘bots – er, I mean, people. Booze might help, too. But don’t waste your money on it in the theater, it’ll be in the DVD bargain bins soon enough.

The year of hot vampires

Movies

This just in: 2006 is now officially the year of the hot vampires.

I know I’ve already posted about “Underworld: Evolution”, due to be released January 20th. I got all drool-y over the thought of Kate Beckinsale once again wearing leather bodysuits and being vampirish.

Imagine my shock at finding out this morning about “Ultraviolet”, a vampire movie featuring Milla Jovovich in leather bodysuits. G’head. Imagine it. Oh, here, I’ll help you:

Do you think the producers of “Ultraviolet” chose a movie title that will deliberately confuse viewers looking for the “Underworld” sequel? Duh.

Now imagine a Kate Beckinsale / Milla Jovovich vampire-gun-kata cage match. I know, I know… you can’t. Because your head exploded like 3 minutes ago, already. Poor thing.

Avoiding the bad ones

Movies

I saw a lot of movies this year. Good and not-so-good. Maybe before the end of the year I’ll post a list of all the movies I saw, with a mini-review of each. Wow, that’s a great idea. I wonder why no one’s ever thought of that before?

But this post is mainly to congratulate myself for having completely avoided every single movie on Rotten Tomatoes’ list of Top 10 Worst Movies of 2005.

And especially for having avoided the temptation to stare at Jessica Alba’s ass, but be burned by “Into the Blue” anyway. I got to see her enough this year in good movies, like “Sin City”.

Underworld: Evolution

Movies

Words… fail…

There’s a sequel to “Underworld”… due in January.

“Underworld: Evolution” (Warning: site requires Flash)

Let’s hope the fact that they didn’t have a number in the name means it’s going to be good.

And by “good” I mean lots of pictures of Kate Beckinsale in tight black leather/vinyl.

Kate in tight black leather or vinyl. It's all good.

It’s all good.

Guess I’ll have to buy the unrated version of Underworld. Y’know, just to refresh my memory…

…oh. Oh, right. Now I remember.

How long until January 20th, again…?

Mirrormask (2005)

Movies

Two words:

See MirrorMask

Need more words? Neil Gaiman’s got you covered for story.

Direction and visuals? Dave McKean’s on top of that.

Overall production? What, can’t you trust Jim Henson Productions? Sure you can. Crazy kids these days!

Did you like “Labyrinth”? Of course you did. David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly, trippy puppets, goblins and monsters. What’s not to like?

Now picture that on acid, and not the bad brown stuff, the good stuff, and imagine what could be done with CGI these days.

Oh, yeah. You want to see it now, don’t you? Don’t you?

G’wan. Get out of here. These talented folk deserve your money.

Batman Begins (2005)

Movies, reviews

Quickie review:

“Batman Begins” — slow to start, which is good, since it’s the backstory that makes this movie interesting. Action sequences are murky and hard-to-follow, which is what I imagine real combat to be like. Christian Bale makes a great Bruce Wayne; must admit I had some misgivings at first but I totally bought him. The plot is a bit more complex than usual for superhero movies, which also works, since Batman is a bit more complex than, say, Superman.

Downside? Puffy-faced born-again Scientologist Katie Holmes. What a blah actress and a blah character.

I give it one and 7/8 thumbs up (out of two). Kick-ass summer movie.