Waitress: Has anyone ever told you, you kind of look like David Sedaris?
Me: … No. No one has ever told me that.
Waitress: It’s true. You look like David Sedaris.
Me: Thank you.
Waitress: At least… you have the quiet, calm demeanor that I associate with him.
Me: Didn’t David Sedaris kill himself?
Waitress: I… I don’t think so.
Me: Then who was that? Author. Recently killed himself.
Waitress: I think you mean David Foster Wallace.
Me: …who I do not look like. Or looked like.