Category: General

Walking at night. Dog barks at me from a yard. Keeps barking, keeps getting closer.

I ignore the dog.

A girl, in her early twenties, starts calling for the dog. The dog follows me, I keep ignoring it.

Girl apologizes to my back.

I finally turn around to notice the dog. “I don’t want you to lose your dog” I say.

I feel guilty, like I did something wrong.

Did I?

In this episode of “What the fuck?!” we find some random dude claiming that the scary black Muslim who had a scary Christian pastor and who lived in a neighborhood with a scary Dirty Fucking Hippie might maybe take away his penis extension:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVtnHJ1lWos&hl=en&fs=1]

So where the hell was this bozo when Bush was violating the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 8th amendments, not to mention many instances of US and international law?

I guess that was OK by him…

An unnamed “network administrator senior” at my place of work spent a minute reading a scripted report, noticed that there were some computers on the network that weren’t getting anti-virus updates, and decided to do something about it: sending an email to everyone else telling them to fix it.

That’s one way to earn one’s senior-level pay, I suppose.

In response, my friend and co-worker wrote a batch file, and, y’know, fixed the problem. Without having to go visit all those computers, like the “network administrator senior” suggested was the only way to solve the problem.

In the olden days I would have said that script-writing was more of a network-analyst kind of thing to do, but apparently that’s left for the lower pay grades these days.

But that’s not the best part of the story. When my friend and co-worker sent out an email explaining how he’d solved the problem by spending an hour or so writing a batch file, another “network administrator senior” sent out an email reply, sent to everyone, asking if my friend’s batch file could be run… from another batch file.

My head asplode. What kind of clueless question is that? Both of these “senior”-level people make more money than my friend, or me, for that matter. And they’re not management (not that that would spare them my ridicule), they’re supposed to be technical.

Maybe it’s just me, but they should be doing this stuff themselves. How hard is a batch file? It’s a list of commands!

What-the-eff-ever.

Tracy texted me this morning to inform me that today was Eggnog Latte Day. Which is apparently celebrated by ordering an eggnog latte, and by paying it forward – the lady ahead of her in the drive-thru paid for hers.

I had not realized that it was an official unofficial holiday, but I keep eggnog in my heart (not literally) all year ’round.

Today is also Repeal Day, the anniversary of that day when Prohibition was repealed in the United States. Prohibition of alcohol was yet another destructive outcome of religious beliefs, but like most fundamentalist plans, had a short-lived lifespan.

And today is also the annual Day of the Ninja, a day that is apparently celebrated in counter-point to the annual Talk Like A Pirate Day on September 19th. Did you realize that pirates and ninjas are natural enemies? I must admit that in the age-old battle between pirate and ninja, I’m a pirate partisan.

I think the best part of all these unofficial holidays it that I can easily celebrate all three. Heck, just adding a little rum to my eggnog latte combines the first two. Then, as long as no one sees me do it, that’s ninja enough, yes? Done, done and done, my friends.

So, there is no God.

All we have are stories that people tell about God, and feelings that people have about God.

If there’s any evidence other than that, it has not surfaced. In thousands of years. Over and over, all we have are stories about God, and feelings about God, told and talked about by men and women.

Since I’m well aware that stories and feelings can often be false or misleading, I don’t put much trust in stories and feelings. Sorry about that. I’m sure others’ stories and feelings are very important to them, and I know that we all make decisions based on our own stories and feelings, but can we at least try to take advantage of the toolbox that helps us sort out the stories and feelings that are false from the stories and feelings that are true?

And by “true” I mean something very simple: they are consistent with the world we see around us. The actual world, not the fantasy world of stories told by Bronze Age men. And by “true” I also mean that they conform with all of the evidence we’ve seen of the past, and by “true” I also mean they help us make predictions for the future.

The stories and feelings I’ve heard about God do not fit this definition of “true”. Again, if I’m wrong, I’d be glad to hear it. But I do not apologize for my insistence on a reality-based worldview.

My youngest nephew and I share a love of the cartoon series “Futurama”. This is not to say that my two other nephews might not also love the show; they may or may not, and either way, that’s great. I’m only mentioning my youngest nephew because today is his 17th birthday.

When I went Googling for something Futurama-related to post on his Facebook page, the image that came up first made me laugh, and would probably have made my youngest nephew laugh, and would probably have made his parents blush.

No, seriously. This was literally the first hit on the search “futurama birthday”:

(Your results may differ, especially if you have “Safe Search” turned on.)

I think she looks… mad… or… something…

From his closest (geographically) uncle, here’s a warm birthday shout-out to Max. Happy birthday, meatbag!

Congratulations are apparently in order to Senator Clinton (D-NY) for her appointment to Secretary of State in President-elect Obama’s administration, though at the moment I’m posting this, it has not been officially announced.

Tracy wanted to know my thoughts. I think it’s a great pick for Obama. Sen. Clinton is well-liked around the world, and has a long and generally positive history with other world leaders. Notwithstanding her gaffe about “coming under fire” in Bosnia, she really does bring a wealth of foreign policy knowledge to Obama’s Cabinet.

The flip side of the question, though, is will this be a good move for Sen. Clinton? I’m just a political junkie, but it looks like a step down to me: she could have continued in the Senate and shaped and set policy; instead she will be implementing Obama’s policies. Perhaps, though, she has some strategic goal in mind?

I can see by my Google search that I’m not the only one who is wondering “Has a Secretary of State ever gone on to become President?

(The answer seems to be: none in the last 150 years, but six prior to that – Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Adams, Van Buren and Buchanan.)

The day after Thanksgiving, my brother-in-law got up early, not to go shopping, but to play in a poker tournament at Spirit Mountain Casino (we were all staying in the family beach house in Lincoln City, if you don’t recall).

Hours later, he returned to tell us of his day. He did pretty well, he said, until… “This stupid lady made the wrong play!”

Untangled from the poker jargon he enmeshed the story in, basically, he thought that, with the cards showing as they were, that this lady should have folded, instead of called his bet.

And she ended up winning the hand with a “low” pair of sevens, which knocked my bro-in-law out of the tournament.

My sister and I both laughed. “What do you mean, she made the wrong play? She’s still playing, and you’re not!”

He howled in frustration. “You don’t understand! That’s not the smart play! What she did was wrong!”

Which only made us laugh more. I’m not sure my sister’s husband even really understands why that’s funny. I pointed out that he’s approaching it from an idealistic point of view, when by the pragmatic view he’s the one who’s in the wrong.

He doesn’t see it that way, of course. He lost because of his superior knowledge and play, you see.

Got back from the beach and headed out… wearing my fucking kilt! Hit my favorite strip club, had a drink or two, and then decided it was a little weird waiting for a lapdance in a kilt.

Then I texted Tracy, and she invited me to come hang out with her and Gina.

And the bar they were at had… karaoke!

So I’m sure you’re jealous of my awesome night of karaoke with Tracy and Gina. Aren’t you? Aren’t you?

I sang “Expressway To Your Heart” (by the Blues Brothers), and, later, horribly yowled my way through “Only The Good Die Young” (by Billy Joel). But, hey, I was already wearing a kilt! How much more embarrassing could it have been?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the holiday in the US most centered around food. Halloween is about candy, and St. Patrick’s Day is about beer and whisky, but Thanksgiving is about all kinds of food. Food, glorious food.

Oh, and being thankful for things.

I’m thankful for my readers, among many other things. But before I rushed off to run in the ORRC Turkey Trot tomorrow morning, and then drive down to the coast for feasting with my family, I am letting y’all know that I’m on light holiday posting until at least Saturday.

I have more blogiversary posts scheduled to go up, so there will at least be reruns to read here. And aren’t holiday reruns also a Thanksgiving tradition?

Happy Thanksgiving to all y’all.