Category: General

The barista just told me that I looked like I needed a nap.

Of course, they’d probably kick me out if I fell asleep in one of their comfy chairs. Hypocrites.

First day at 2200 calories, and it’s feeling pretty good so far. Had my normal breakfast (Cliff Bar and tall soy chai, mmmmmm), and just had a burrito and chips from Taco del Mar, and I still have 1000 calories left for tonight.

I’m going to the Baghdad Theater to see a documentary filmed partially in Portland, and the Baghdad is one of those micro-brew theaters that serve beer and pizza. So I’ll probably use up the rest of my calories tonight. I haven’t had beer and pizza in months on this diet.

It’s difficult to type this post with all the drooling I’m doing.

Some more references for the essay I posted yesterday on the evolutionary benefit of male jealousy, presented in no particular order:

• “The Red Queen”, Ridley, Matt
• “Consciousness Explained”, Dennett, Daniel
• “Freedom Evolves”, Dennett, Daniel
• “The Selfish Gene”, Dawkins, Richard
• “The Mating Mind”, Miller, Geoffrey

Just so you know I’ve been doing some reading on the subject…

An essay I wrote recently on evolutionary psychology. Sorry for the stilted language; it was inspired by the books I’ve been reading, especially David Buss’ “The Evolution of Desire”. Enjoy.

Most observers will agree that for men, the primary sexual strategy is to inseminate as many females as possible, to ensure that at least some of their genetic material will survive into the next generation. However, there is a secondary sexual strategy that men can, and often do, choose: to provide their resources of time, attention and material goods to a single female, in order to reap the benefits that this strategy promises.

Those benefits include (but are not limited to) status in the community, as well as more secure knowledge of the disposition of their progeny.

Men are at a disadvantage, in that it is difficult to be certain that the progeny of their mates are, in fact, their progeny. Those men in the past who provided their resources to a female in order to raise children who did not share the males genes would be at a disadvantage, evolutionarily speaking.

Determining paternity is a challenge for mammals, primates, and especially humans, because conception takes place internally in the female. Maternity is never in question for the female. Therefore, humans have developed adaptive mechanisms for dealing with this.

One such mechanism is psychological in nature. It is called “jealousy”.

From the standpoint of evolution, a man and a woman who are mates are providing each other with some benefit. The man who has opted for the secondary sexual strategy of long-term commitment is offering his resources to the female, and is expecting the female to provide him with a return benefit. In most cases, the benefit he is expecting, and therefore the attribute a man most values in a long-term relationship, is fidelity. Men who are seeking long-term mates do not value promiscuity in females, and do not see infidelity as a positive. They stress fidelity and expect their mates to provide them and them alone with sexual access.

Thus, it is expected that males who are seeking long-term mates to view a woman’s activities with a jealous eye. Since paternity is always in question, a deeply-rooted fear of being cuckolded, well below the conscious level, likely exists in many, if not most, men.

To be sure, jealousy is active in females as well. A male who is active with other females is a threat to the woman, as the male may decide that other children are more valuable and may split his resources, or begin providing them to the other mother and children exclusively. However, the adaptive challenge that is present for the male (to ensure that his resources are only going towards his own children) is not present at all for the female, and in fact a woman may exploit the paternity challenge by getting resources from one male while bearing the children of another. In this way she can have the best of both worlds.

This female strategy, however, butts right up against the challenge posed to men, and few men would endure this situation for very long. The typical male reaction to infidelity is anger or other violent action, while the typical female reaction to the same circumstances is sadness. For the male, a promiscuous mate means that he cannot be certain any of his genetic material will survive into the next generation, thus, his genetic line is threatened to its root. For the woman, infidelity simply means that the males resources may be withdrawn, and, depending on the other resources available to her, this may range from merely inconvenient to a life-threatening action.

Although the past illuminates the root causes of jealousy, and the differential response the two genders have to the acts that trigger this emotion, it does not condemn all humans to suffer the extremes suggested by this essay. Remember, though, that adaptations to evolutionary challenges, such as this one, provide a framework for understanding individual motivations.

In the prehistoric past, it may have been common for men to sequester their mates from all other male contact, and to become enraged at a male’s attention towards their mate; enraged to the point of murder. In modern humans, this is, sadly, still all too common. But much more likely, and much more palatable among humans that ascribe to a moral code, a man may simply decide that a woman who wishes to entertain other male company is not offering acceptable behavior for a long-term commitment and will choose to terminate the relationship and look elsewhere.

Among civilized humanity (I apologize for the loaded term “civilized” but can find no other way to separate modernity from our ancestry) relationships need to fulfill both parties needs, and, due to our evolutionary history, males primary needs in a long-term relationship is fidelity in their mates.

While walking I came up with a quick metaphor and wanted to make a note of it (it probably will make no sense once I write it down):

A man and a woman — separately, they’re like stable chemical compounds. But, mixed together, they form a highly reactive substance that spontaneously combusts.

Walked east on the Springwater Corridor trail today. I needed some stuff, and decided to see if the trail ran all the way out to the Fred Meyer store at SE Johnson Creek and 82nd. It did.

Total round trip, I’m guessing, was about 7 miles. Not a lot of great scenery as it goes through the Brentwood-Darlington area along Johnson Creek Blvd., which is mostly light industrial. But the trail itself is a nice hike, mostly straight and if there’s a grade it’s very gentle. It runs past a park, the Tideman Johnson Nature Park. Apparently, if you continue east beyond 82nd, there’s a botanical garden before you get to Gresham. Someday I’ll head out farther.

I have never felt more powerful than I did today.

I am in the best physical shape of my life.

I am surrounded by friends who share my interests and spark my imagination and who support and challenge me.

Financially, too, I’m better off than any previous point in my life (not that that would take much doing, but it’s a start).

Lastly, my social circles are expanding in ways I’ve never even dreamed to be possible.

Honestly, I’m not bragging. It’s just been a very good day. I’m savoring.

Plans are in place. A friend and I are taking a road trip south, to Indio, California, to attend the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival. We only have tickets for Saturday, but, man-o-man, what a lineup. Death Cab for Cutie, The Pixies, Stereolab, among lots and lots of bands I’ve never heard before… but mostly, I’m going because Radiohead is the headlining act. I’ve liked Radiohead for a long time, and have always wanted to see them live. Now’s my chance.

I only got the ticket because a friend of mine was unable to go, due to his starting a new job recently. Thanks, man! I owe you big time.

In addition, I’m going to be exposed to so much new music. So cool.

I’ve been so burnt out recently, even though on the surface things are going really well, that having the anticipation of a road trip helps pull my sorry ass through the financial serfdom.

We’ll be camping there overnight. Transportation is being provided by Dollar Rent-a-car, in spite of all the nasty things I’ve done to their cars on past road trips… Hopefully Dollar representatives aren’t reading this right now. As long as I don’t link to their site I should be OK. Unless one of you, my faithful readers, decide to squeal. Don’t be a squealer.

I woke up, barely, this morning and realized that I could not come in to work. I wish I knew why I feel like that sometimes. I don’t link that feeling to anything besides a strong desire to simply hide in bed all day.

I say I hate my job, but when I actually sit down and list the things I’d want in a job, my current job meets most of them, even in spite of the antagonism between my boss and myself. Downtown location, lots of variety, decent pay, doing stuff I know how to do well, the side benefit of working closely with law enforcement (I always wanted to be a detective; have I ever mentioned that?) Really, except for the awful relations between me and management, and the near-total lack of challenge, my job is pretty much perfect. Oh, I’d like more flexible hours, too, but now I’m just whining.

And socially things are going well for me this week, so that’s not something to hide from. Caleb and I are planning that road trip; that’s going to be fun, and it’s giving me something to look forward to. Then there’s my diet, which I’ve successfully completed, and my newfound energy and running…

There’s nothing bad going on. So why am I so drained? Why do I feel like there should be dark clouds overhead? Am I wishing there were more bad things in my life?

I dunno. It’s counter-rational.

I’m nearly done with my diet. My weight has stabilized around 172-173 lb., and my calories/day is nearly to the level of maintenance.

I went for a short run today; I planned on 2 miles. However, I could not make it that far. Not sure what was the problem. Could have been my lack of sleep (got to bed around 2 AM last night), could have been what I ate yesterday (a Wendy’s Double with Cheese for lunch, then snacked the rest of the day, ended up eating popcorn at the movies last night (I saw “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” again because the rest of the group hadn’t seen it yet and we didn’t like any of the other choices)), could have been my allergies which have picked up quite a bit with the warm weather, could have been my lack of water.

Or it might be that I’ve been pushing myself harder lately, trying to pick up my speed and increase my endurance at the same time. Maybe I dumped my “coach” too soon? Maybe I still need some guidance for improvement? Maybe so.

I’ll just have to start dating an experienced runner again…