Category: General

One more thought regarding the presidential debate.

Following the exchange of messages and information from the candidates, I think every American should look deep, deep within themselves and ask themselves this question: did I forget Poland, too?

If you’re trying to build a relationship with someone, no matter whether it’s a simple friendship, or a full-blown committed, intimate relationship, wouldn’t you think it would be more helpful to share, to give of yourself, as opposed to withholding things or taking things away?

Just sayin’.

Normally I put my political posts over on Geeks Against Bush, but I have to say something here.

I’m watching the presidential debates. I realize that to a great degree, what the candidates say is being fed to them from their handlers and backstage puppet masters, but, roly-poly fuck, How can anyone vote for a man as defensive and inarticulate as President Bush?

Do people overlook his mispronounciations, his incomplete thoughts, his stuttering, his whiny voice? The man was born in freakin’ New Hampshire: where did this phony Texan accent come from?

So damned frustrating.

Almost half of Britains surveyed had cheated on a partner.

And, you know, if that many English would cheat, the numbers have got to be waaaaaaaaaay higher for the more confident countries.

I’m just sayin’.

So, there’s this radio station in Seattle, KEXP, 90.3 FM. I may have posted about them before; I listen to them on the IntarWeb (using iTunes) because they offer high-quality streams of their stuff, plus they archive the past two weeks of broadcast, plus they save all their in-studio guests’ shows, blah, blah, yadda, yadda… They’re great.

They’re all listener-supported. This week they’re having a pledge drive. Go. Listen. Give them money. They’re totally worth it if you like independent radio and are tired of listening to whatever the Big Five record companies are paying Clear Channel to play.

Anywho, reason I bring them up again is because yesterday morning, they played a new track from William Shatner. Yes, Captain Kirk-slash-T. J. Hooker-slash-“legend in his own mind” William Fucking Shatner. He’s been recording a new album, which is being produced by Ben Folds, and they’ve released a single from the album. It’s a remake of “Common People” by Pulp.

And it totally fucking rocks. The actual singing is handled on one chorus by Joe Jackson, but hearing ol’ Bill talking his way through the song, with his emphatic repetitions and weird pauses… dunno. It just works. This song, and my cat, is the only thing that’s made me smile today.

So, see, here’s where the coolness of KEXP shines through. Even though they played it yesterday, you can still hear it. Go to KEXP’s streaming archive, select Tuesday, 28 September 2004, around 7:23 AM, and pick one of the streams (Windows Media Crapper or RealCrap, hardly matters which) and, after hearing John and Amanda beg for donations for a minute or two, you’ll hear the song.

And, believe me, you’ll want to hear it over and over again. I know I do.

I dreamt about Sasquatches last night. Fake Sasquatches, but the costume was really very good.

I was in Michigan (in my dream), on a road trip with my sister and her kids, my niece and nephew. Grosse Point, Michigan. You know, like the movie. Except John Cusak wasn’t there.

Yeah. Dreams are weird. Like when I was flying around, and thinking, “They may be fake Sasquatches, but at least I’m safe while I’m flying.”

Heh. Dreams.

Oh, remembered another point about trusting people:

• Lack of Reciprocity – Again, this is tied into the others, especially empathy but deserves to be mentioned on its own. There needs to be a balance in the give-and-take department. For instance, who calls whom the most? Who initiates things the most?

There are many reasons I should not trust someone:

• Lying – This is the biggie. Why do we put up with people who lie? Is it because they’re so charming we tend to overlook their lies? Is it because they’re chameleons who tell us what we want to hear? No matter, it’s always a bad thing. If I catch someone in a lie, whether it’s to me, or to someone else, it’s a huge sign that this person isn’t going to be a good friend. Other things to watch out for; different definitions of lying. For example, if they think that withholding information when asked a direct question isn’t lying… well, it is, and it’s just as bad. I can’t be close to someone who has shifting ideas about what honesty is.
• Never meeting their friends – Another huge one. When establishing a new friendship, or a dating a new person, it’s normal for the two people to wait a bit before introducing the other person to their friends (and family, if they’re close to their family). But eventually, I’m going to want to meet the people they call friends. I’m going to want to see how they interact with their friends, what kind of people they are friends with. It’s important to see people in their normal context, the surroundings they choose for themselves. If the other person withholds that, that’s a clue that something’s not right. Believe it or not, I’ve known someone for over a year and a half and never met their friends! Um… that’s not friendship.
• Lack empathy – This one is more subtle, but it can be picked up on. Here’s the first example that comes to mind: If someone never tries to figure out if their behavior is causing me to react. If they just do whatever it is they want to do, in spite of your reaction, and they continue to do it even after you’ve become angry (yes, it’s typically something that causes a negative reaction, rather than a positive reaction), and then they continue to do it some more… until you finally call them out on it, and they put it back on you, claiming that you never sat down and spelled out in black and white what, exactly, they weren’t supposed to be doing, and you point out that you did try to explain it to them, and they sit in stunned silence and try to change the subject or then try to say that now, now that they see what it is, they’ll do as you ask… Until you point out that the two of you have been through this, already, with a very similar situation, and you don’t trust what they have to say this time. Just a, um, random example. I’m just sayin’.
• Won’t respect boundaries – Boundaries are important in any relationship. I think most people will agree with this. And setting boundaries are important. Being able to set boundaries is a function of communication. This is connected with the empathy point above, but it’s also a separate issue. How much communication is required in order to tell someone “this is not OK behavior with me”? If I find myself pointing out things that bug me over and over again, that’s a clue that this person and I do not communicate well, or that this person does not respect me enough to not test my boundaries. Or both.
• My behavior changes around them – If I find myself doing things I normally never do around my other friends, I should watch out. Sometimes other people, right or wrong, bring out the worst in me. They exaggerate my negative qualities, or do things that anger me and make it more difficult for me to restrain my anger. I want to be clear here; I am responsible for my own emotions. However, perhaps because of another person’s lack of empathy or lack of respect for my boundaries, they can encourage behavior in me that is less than my best. I’m not blaming them for my behavior; I’m just saying that if I notice myself acting differently around someone else, I should be cautious and limit my exposure to that person until I figure out why I’m changing around them.

There’s a difference, I’m learning, between selfish flirting and (for lack of a better term, I’ll call) giving flirting. This is something I’ve been thinking about and trying to notice for at least a couple of weeks now. I first started to think about it when I noticed that some women I flirt with, even though it’s exciting, leaves me feeling nervous. Powerless, basically. But other women, when I flirt with them, it’s fun and sets a mood but is generally a positive experience. What is the difference between the two types of flirting?

After paying close attention, I decided that you can flirt to draw attention to yourself, or you can flirt to give attention to the other person. And, actually, you can mix the two in one encounter (which is probably more common). But, overall, the tendency to flirt to draw attention to yourself leads to the feeling I was describing above, where the other person leaves the encounter feeling bad, or put-down, or… powerless, weak. That’s not a good feeling. Obviously.

And, actually, in the times I’ve noticed the more positive feeling, it was only a word or a phrase, out of the entire encounter, that caught my attention and made me realize that the other person was being a giving person.

I’ve been trying to find, or make up, specific examples and it’s difficult, because a lot of it is body language and tone. I wanted to make a note of it in my blog, though, to bookmark the idea for myself. Expect more posts on this subject as I work through this idea and incorporate it into my life. It’s something I want to do more of, and something I will be looking for in women.

I’m in the process of adding some new pages to my site, pages dedicated to running. The first page is my Running Log, which will (eventually) be where I record, day-by-day, all my running, my times and pace (when I record them) and any notes. There’s no content there right now, as I post this; I’ll start filling it in on Monday.

The second page is where I’ll record my “standard” courses, along with notes on hills, mile points along the course, and total distance. There’s some basic content there, but I want to play with the format to see if there’s a better way to organize the information. I’d like to add some pictures, too; some of my runs are pretty scenic.

The links are over on my linkbar (to the left) but, as I said, not much content there.

In the future, I won’t be writing about my running in my blog much, unless something odd, funny, or notable happens. I will probably still note any actual races I enter in the main blog, however. I’m trying to separate out my running from the journalling that is the main purpose of my blog.

I’ve also started to redesign my site, to help with load times and to make it a little prettier. But I’m not promising anything since it’s something I work on in my spare time.