Another day behind me. Another night of sleep and bad, anxious dreams ahead of me. Another unknown day after that. My life right now is stuck in place, running hard but not advancing. Sucks, but that’s what is what right now.
I’m astonished at how hard it is to land a job. I got low-balled by a recruiter today. They said they had a position with a client locally, 6 months-to-hire, sent a job description that is 100% a senior desktop system admin job description, and asked me for my “rate” twice. I replied with skepticism, saying it’s odd they’d ask me first if the client has clearly budgeted for this role, but said my floor was $35/hour.
The recruiter replied that they had only budgeted $20/hour, which is barely above minimum wage. I just stopped replying. That’s not enough for a full-time position for me. OK, if they had told me something like $25/hour up front, I would probably have applied, but since they made me name my own price, I clearly wasn’t their candidate. Ah, well.
At this point I would probably accept $22.50 for a part-time job that was close by to home, just to get some income coming in. But if it was full time and had a commute, it wouldn’t be worth it, even if the money would cover some of the bills, because it would leave me exhausted and unable to look for better work. I’ve done that low-wage terrible job before (worked at Target over the holiday season) and it was brutal. A trap, at least for me. I’m already old and out of shape, and those jobs demand a lot of a person. I was lucky in that I had another low-paying job that was slightly less stressful at the time.
I don’t know, maybe I’m being too picky, still, even as the stress and bills are piling up. I just need a break. Some hope. Where’s my good news? I’m out here waiting for it, working for it. I’m applying to every reasonable job in my market and for my skill set, and nothing seems to be happening. Recruiters tell me that it’s brutal out there, and they would know, I think. Recruiters don’t get paid unless they fill positions with people, and if they think it’s brutal it’s a bloodbath.
I’m still here, posting daily, making this place my sounding board, my crying wall, my stake in the ground, my broadway marquee. I have skills, I just need to find someone who will pay for them. Where are you, employers who value customer service, technical troubleshooting, and clear communication and documentation? I’m right here. Discouraged but continuing.
This system is heart-breaking. It wears us down. But for now, it’s the only system we’ve got. While my dream is of a better world, the current world is the one I have to spend my waking hours in. Have to go on, irregardless of the odds and the anxiety. My duty is to remain.