Obviously the big thing that happened today was the solar eclipse. I don’t know if I have 500 words about it, though. For one thing, we only got about 22% coverage here in the Portland of Oregon, and for another, it was very cloudy so I couldn’t see much of the sun at all.
I did make a point to be outside during the event, though. Listen, I’m a practical person. I try not to give much attention to spiritualism or magic or the supernatural. But for days now I’ve been seeing people talk about Eclipse Energy and how it represents a break, a cleansing, a shift in perspective. And that all seems like unfounded disconnected thinking.
I say that, but I do also have a horoscope app on my phone, and I know my Big Three by heart (Capricorn Sun, Scorpio Moon, Sagitarius rising) and I share daily horoscopes with my friends. I think that those Big Three do somewhat circumscribe my personality in many ways. I do have a practical side that fits with the general Capricorn vibe; see the paragraph above, even though this paragraph may, to some, undermine my argument. But my practical side is also weighted by the sharpness and intense nature described by the whole Scorpio thing; I just mask it a bit. And backing all of that, the traits of a Sagitarius rising means I’m curious, novelty-seeking, and get bored easily.
In many ways this is also a description of the ADHD mind, at least my (technically not professionally diagnosed) ADHD mind.
And I’ve been on a run of bad luck lately. I’m unemployed, and beginning to doubt I’ll ever find a job that’s a good fit that I can ride out the rest of my professional life with. The pressures of modern late-21st-century capitalism are getting to me. I just want shelter from the elements, healthy food and drink, and medical care when necessary, and all of those things are becoming harder and harder to find. The idea of a cleansing, a break, a magical way to shift my focus and find something better… it appeals. It appeals strongly. Doesn’t it? You feel me on this, right?
Twenty minutes before the maximum coverage for my location, I headed outside, in comfy workout clothes and sturdy walking shoes, with Bonnie Tyler singing that every now and then she falls apart. Me, too, Bonnie. Me, too. I’d love to not fall apart. Can I soak up some Eclipse Energy and make it happen? Or maybe I just need to pull myself together and make it happen, eclipse or no eclipse.
I stopped on my walk at 11:25 AM Pacific, and pointed my phone at the sun behind the clouds (not looking directly at it, I’m not that gullible) and sang along with Bonnie. I don’t know what to do, and I’m always in the dark. We’re living in a powder-keg and giving off sparks.
To this atheist, this was as close to a prayer as I will allow myself to make.
And the only one who can respond is the person making it.
Forever’s going to start tonight.