The bright side of a Moon
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Next Fallout 3 livestream scheduled! 4 PM Pacific Sunday 5 May 2024. I made it to Megaton, met the love of my life Moira Brown, and am doing everything I can to get and stay on her good side.
I am not entirely sure I have anything specific I can talk about tonight. Let’s do a quick roundup of random followup!
Haven’t been sleeping well. Bad dreams. Stressed. Still looking for work – please send me job postings for desktop support, customer support, system or network admin jobs, anything in that wheelhouse. Would love a remote job or something in the Portland area (not really keen on relocating.)
Dodgers are doing well lately. As I write this they’re up 6-0 against the Arizona Diamondbacks. I was mad at them for how clumsily they handled Shohei Ohtani’s first home run ball as a Dodger but now I’m back to normal fandom levels.
Dad’s on his Alaskan cruise and it’s been quiet around here. I did laundry today and I’d like to do some cleaning before he gets back.
Still upset at how brutally the student protestors are being treated, in Portland and all over the country. Right-wing insurrectionists get gentle treatment and bus rides from the cops; students get riot gear, beatings, and raids. Goes to show where our leadership’s priorities lie.
Had a good stream tonight. I was nervous all day but once I started playing I got in to the game. Doing a good karma run, so I treated Gob with respect, helped Micky out with purified water, and am doing Moira’s quests for the Wasteland Survival Guide. I tried to help Leo kick his chem habit but I didn’t have enough Speech even though it gave me a 49% chance. Ah, well, them’s the breaks. Did fix all the water pipes, though. And all that good karma got me a visit from the jerk Talon mercs, which led to my first death. I don’t think anyone was watching the stream when it happened, though…
Need to find some royalty free music so I can mod my Fallout game to where I can use the in-game radio. I miss Three Dog! When I find enough music and get it working I’ll write up a post with instructions for anyone else to follow.
Want to do another stream this weekend but can’t schedule it until I know when dad is returning because I have to be ready to pick him up from the airport, and dad didn’t share his itinerary with me.
Mallrats is going to be my next View Askew review. It appears to only be available for rent or purchase, not on one of the streaming services I already pay for, unfortunately. I’ll watch it tonight or tomorrow and report back here with a mini-review.
Tomorrow my major plans are: modding Fallout 3, looking for jobs, and posting more battlemaps for pay-what-you-want on my Ko-Fi page. Rise and grind, am I right?
My car is still running well. I need to top up the antifreeze/coolant, and there’s a minor issue of the windshield sprayer not working on the driver’s side, but that Check Engine light has not come back on. That’s fixed, I’m sure of it.
A friend posted this scene to their Insta stories and it made me smile:
I remember that movie! Their caption, though, was: “Anyone else see this and cry thinking about Clerks III?” I realized that I have not seen Clerks III, and I got nostalgic for Kevin Smith movies. I have always lumped them into “stoner humor” but I have never said that disparagingly. Stoner humor is kind but rude, raw, silly about serious things. I adore stoner humor. A mix of sincere and gross that a lot of other flavors of humor just can’t touch.
I resolved then and there to rewatch at least the Clerks trilogy, and include as many other Kevin Smith films I could find online. So it was written, so mote it be, y’all.
First up: Clerks.
Wow did that not really age well. It was rough going back to 1994, for sure. Dante is such a tight-ass and Randall is a huge jerk. Veronica and Caitlyn are definitely women written by (young) men. And the movie feels like it drags when it should be fast. It’s 94 minutes long! Why does it feel slow?
The setup for the plot, though, rings true. Dante (Brian O’Halloran) is called in to his shitty job at a local convenience store to fill in for a missing co-worker. Anyone who’s had a retail or customer service job can relate, and just that plot point is enough to get me reminiscing about working fast food, or shopping mall, or call center jobs and the sheer hostility me and my co-workers had for the customers and the bonds of friendship formed with fellow wage slaves. The stories I could tell…
And that means the best parts, for me, are the side discussions. The things workers would talk about to get our minds away from the servitude we had to enact on behalf of our bosses and at the hands of our customers. Particularly in tech support, we would recognize conversations like the famous “Death Star II contractors” scene in Clerks where Randall (Jeff Anderson) tries to make the case that the leftist rebels killed innocent plumbers and roofers. Less well-known (or at least, less well-remembered by me) is the response where a random customer interjects that roofers do, in fact, have personal politics and that they are making a political and moral choice to work for known bad actors. Glad to see Kevin Smith undercutting one of his characters’ apolitical stances.
The shenanigans involving Dante disregarding his current girlfriend, Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti) and pining over his ex-girlfriend Caitlin (Lisa Spoonauer), I did not find charming now and I vaguely recall being put off by it in 1994, as well, although back in the day I was more inclined to think I was the one out of step with the times; Dante’s prudishness about what his girlfriend did matched the attitudes my other male friends displayed back then. It was a different time, y’all, for sure.
It was a rough start for a filmmaker but there is still a core identity here: the working-class humor and frustration of working bad low-paying jobs. That’s what I connected with back then, and that’s the part I still resonate with today. In retrospect, I would give this a solid 3 out of 5 stars.
Next: Mallrats.
I’m just so tired lately. And by lately I mean all the time. Can’t remember a time when I wasn’t tired, but that might just be the chronic depression talking. Stop talking, chronic depression! I’m trying to write here.
The apartment has been quiet all day, because dad is away on vacation. I’ve really gotten used to having him around after just a month. I had to make my own coffee this morning. Normally he would get up before me and put on a pot of coffee, but not today. I made breakfast, went up to my computer and messed around on there. Again, normally, on a Monday, I’d be looking for jobs I can apply for, but not having dad here threw me off. Lack of another person around means a temporary loss of focus.
Usually my focus is good. I’m just in a down phase right now. I will get back to my usual self.
Well, also, my unemployment benefits have run out, which you would think would motivate me to look harder but it’s had a demoralizing effect on me. I’ve never been on unemployment long enough to have them run out. I can usually land something in 6 months or less. Not this time. The recruiters I’ve worked with have all said it’s brutal out there, especially in the tech sector, which I am, so apparently it’s not just me.
Streaming, and working on my blog, is part of a small effort on my part to get some side income. Which is the primary reason I’m writing a post tonight instead of just calling it a day and going to bed early. Here I am, showing up.
I want to rewrite my resume to try to consolidate and highlight specific skills. That’s one job hunting step I can take. Also I should try to remember and document specific measurable successes I’ve had across my jobs, but, honestly, I rarely took note of those things until very recently. I will have to drill down, though, and see what I can recall or pull from old notes and emails.
I shouldn’t get too discouraged. One thing about me is that I never really give up. I may stop for a while but I will always return to anything important and keep going. My persistence and determination is a primary trait. I can do it.
If any employers are reading this, I want you to know that I am a problem solver. I never give up when I’m focused on a task. Even if something is outside of my past experience, I know how to research and find answers to existing issues. I may not know the answer but I know how to find answers. It’s the process of solving problems that is the important part.
This ramble is part of my process. I’m writing out my thoughts and sorting out where I am, mentally, and where I’d like to be. Bear with me while I recalibrate and refocus. Thanks for your patience.
Scheduled my next live-stream of Fallout 3: 4 PM Pacific on Wednesday 1 May 2024. Click the link and the bell to get a notification!
And I’m sharing this thumbnail because I’m ridiculously excited how well my in-game toon looks!
Currently trying to find royalty-free music so I can listen to Three Dog on-stream without getting my video hit by the Gods of Copyright. Should be able to pull something together. Found a mod that lets me replace the music which helps a lot!
Had a successful Fallout 3 stream today! Was super nervous all day, but my morning was taken up by getting dad to the airport for his vacation. I love my dad, and I’m happy I’ve been able to help him out while his living space is rebuilt/repaired, and it’s been great having him around… I do look forward to having some time and space to myself after a month. Maskin’ ain’t easy, and yes, I mask even around close family like dad.
After I dropped him off, though, I headed back to the house and tried to arrange everything for the stream. OBS kept locking up and crashing on me, which was frustrating, but I didn’t have a lot of mental energy to troubleshoot it. It seemed to happen when I was changing scenes, though, so I just decided I would avoid doing that as much as I could. I got my countdown set up, I got some music playing for the countdown – I wanted to play the classic Fallout Galaxy News Network songs, those old-timey showtunes and such, but after a quick google realized that those are still covered by copyright laws and could lead to my stream being demonetized.
Bethesda, however, has very generous terms for fans using the soundtrack music or other visual assets, so I just streamed the Fallout 3 game soundtrack, by composer Inon Zur, on shuffle, for the 15 minutes before go time. That worked!
I also set up an in-game overlay of a headshot of myself as a teenager, one that I had punched up using AI image enhancement, to show folks watching what I was aiming for in creating my character. The conceit is that I would be playing as myself as much as possible, something I did years ago when I streamed and played Fallout 4. For the record, here’s a screenshot of my character from the stream:
And for my S.P.E.C.I.A.L:
Some of those numbers are aspirational. Also, I know, I know, Charisma should be a dump stat, but I just didn’t have it in me to make it 1 for optimal gameplay. I’m not going for optimal, I want to be me, as if I had been raised in the vault.
I played through character creation, my 10th birthday party (I ate the sweetroll immediately and told Butch to back off), taking the G.O.A.T. (and beating the snot out of Butch for threatening Amata), taking the tagged skills Science, Lockpicking, and Repair. I can improve other skills but I wanted the best chance of getting through the vault escape without bloodshed. Which, um, I wasn’t able to do. Had to kill a couple of cops, I mean security, but it was in self-defense; they were going to beat me to death like they did Jonas. I did spare the Overseer, although I do not trust his promise to leave Amata alone. And instead of shooting it out with security at the Vault door, I just ran.
Several friends showed up in chat and I even had to ask their advice at some points. It was fun!
A note about guns: personally, I have made a vow to never touch a gun again in my life. I did that after the Sandy Hook shooting. Even if the revolution comes, I will support it with my other skills: troubleshooting, documentation, computer support, mechanical support. But when I did that, I also allowed myself an exception: in the event of an apocalypse, be it nuclear, zombie, or alien invasion, I will allow myself to use a gun. The Capital Wasteland is not just one of those, it’s all three, in one way or another. Also, it’s a game. But I do intend to try to solve things with words first, before violence, on this playthrough.
Will be continuing the stream on either Wednesdays (Wasteland Wednesday) or Friday (Fallout Friday.) Want to keep a regular schedule. Watch here for updates!
Quick post to document a problem I had and the solution that worked for me.
When streaming/recording Fallout 3 using OBS Studio, if I used Game Capture, OBS would show the game briefly but then freeze up, or worse, just show a black screen. Tried every setting in OBS that I could change for Game Capture, tried running OBS as administrator, even uninstalled and reinstalled OBS. Just could not get it to work. Didn’t want to use Fullscreen Capture for aesthetic reasons (it would capture my desktop, or notifications unrelated to the game, that kind of thing.)
So I broke down and read the documentation. Wouldn’t you know it, they had a solution to this.
I had to disable/close RivaTuner Statistics Server. That did the trick. Turns out having that overlay breaks Game Capture in OBS. I seriously would have never thought of that if I hadn’t gone in and found the OBS support docs.
Good documentation saves lives! Or at least prevents stress wrinkles.
A smoothly running car is a big stress relief. Have I mentioned my car hasn’t been running well lately? It’s kind of amazing that it runs at all, since it’s a 1996 Honda Accord four door. The paint (powder blue) is in terrible shape, blistering and peeling and faded. I don’t have the wheel covers so it’s just bare steel wheels and the cheapest tires I can find. Some of the window seals are in bad shape, and not everything fits together as well as when it was new.
There’s a big oil leak and I never check it, the suspension makes a clunking sound when I make left turns, and the steering is a bit wobbly. The brakes mostly work but take some practice, and I give a lot of space to the car ahead of me just in case. But mostly, it runs.
My joke was that it would probably outlast me as long as I keep the fluids topped up. It’s an inside joke, though, because I know that, being unemployed and often broke even when I’m working, I am barely keeping the fluids topped up. Typically only when I get a warning light, which is probably too late to avoid damage but it’s the best I can do. There are a lot of fluids in a car: gas, oil, brake, steering, transmission, coolant. Even window washer fluid, which stopped working for some reason years ago even though I can hear the pump going when I pull the lever.
All of this is preamble to me and my dad getting in my car the other morning so I can drive him to get some smokes, and the Check Engine light came on. Dad was instantly nervous and I was just annoyed. Really, car? You’re going to embarass me in front of my dad like this? My shame had no limits. I was just surprised it was this, instead of something more noticable, like a wheel falling off (that left-turn noise) or sudden engine failure (lack of oil) or running into the back of the car in front of me (brake failure.) No, it had to be something subtle like a generic warning light.
I know I mentioned this before. I’m just updating. On Friday we got a new air filter and swapped it in. Check Engine light stayed on. So we pulled the battery for 5 minutes and got the light to go out. Worst case scenario, if the problem still existed, the light would come on again, right? But a drive to WinCo and back and the light stayed off. It even felt like the car was running better than usual. It would stumble a bit at idle but not anymore.
Having working windshield wipers even helps; being able to see clearly out the windshield is amazing. I even unclogged the passenger side sprayer, and I know what I have to do to clean out the driver side sprayer — remove and clean it, and check the hose in case there’s a leak. If so, replacement hose is only $4 on Amazon.
Dad figures the oil leak is just the valve cover gasket, another cheap part that I have the tools to replace. Now if I can just figure out the clunking left-turn-sound… And top up the radiator before things get too hot. Oh, and check the transmission fluid. Maybe replace the spark plugs, while I’m under there.
I spent most of the afternoon getting things ready to stream Fallout 3, as mentioned previously here. I think I’m ready to go. I’m nervous that it will be a disaster but, hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
As my bestie Tracy said, and I quote, “OK, you might have to not be a perfectionist at the very beginning. Just sayin’. People do tend to improve over time.” Wise words and I hope I can follow her advice. But it’s hard, y’know?
I’ve got OBS set up, I think, to stream the game properly. I’ve scheduled it, and announced it to the world on YouTube and Instagram, as well as let my friends know if they feel like dropping by. I made some slides for transitions, went into StreamElements and set up some chat bot commands and got a nifty overlay for the countdown and to notify if anyone subscribes or tips me.
Let’s do this. If you’re reading this before 4 PM Pacific on 28 April 2024, go to the link below and click the bell to get a notification. And come over to my YouTube channel if you can. If you’re not familiar with Fallout 3, the game literally starts with your character being born. It’s bonkers, not gonna lie.
Way back in 2015, I was hyped for Fallout 4 being released in November. I was poking around Bethesda’s YouTube channel and discovered, indirectly, that they were hiring. Hiring quest writers.
Hey, I’m a writer! That sounds like a fun job. I should do that. One of the requirements was a 2-5 page (500-1250 word, approximately) story set in one of their game worlds, focusing on dialogue.
I immediately thought of setting a story in Portland, my home town, only in the Fallout universe, 200 years after the bombs fell. The Fallout universe is grungy, adult, and has an off-kilter sense of humor, and since part of the Portland I love are the underclass, the working class, the service staff and strippers and musicians, I thought a post-apocalyptic Portland would be a perfect setting.
Over the next couple of weeks, I thought about the characters more; since the story was to be mostly dialogue, I needed to have well-designed characters that had distinct voices. Soon enough, I had three interesting people – a woman who was a Vault dweller, descended from a group that survived the nuclear annihilation, a Ghoul who chose to help others but paid the price of loneliness and immortality, and… one other, a mysterious person whose past influenced both of the previous two’s lives. And in the present of the story, they all interacted… somehow.
I had the opening scene down. The woman, Calista Brasesco, was exploring the Willamette Wasteland in search of something to help her Vault and her people, and comes across an old burnt-out bunker, that used to be a strip club in Portland before the war. In the ruins, she finds the Ghoul, Louie “Lovie” Duckworth, who somehow recognizes her from before the war. They trade stories and discover what they have in common… which was the third character. And that’s where I was stuck.
I didn’t know how to make that revelation interesting. I didn’t know how to make the character decisions interesting. I wasn’t even sure Calista had any decisions to make, honestly.
I knew who all three people were, mostly, as I kicked the story around in my head and made notes when the ideas came to me. But it didn’t gel. It didn’t feel like a story yet. So I let the idea sit in my head and kept taking notes, and playing Fallout 4, and reading the wikis for lore in that universe. And I mentally berated myself for not just writing.
I was mad at myself because, while I thought I had a great story brewing, I wasn’t actually churning it out. It was taking too long. In my mind, I told myself, “Bethesda isn’t going to be interested in you if you can’t just toss out good stories. You need higher output. Just write, dammit!” And, as people do, I slowly shifted my rationalization from “I’m writing this to get hired” to “I’m writing this because it’s a good story and I want to tell it.”
And still, I didn’t actually write it.
I had another breakthrough when I picked up another piece of Fallout lore that made the mysterious third person much more menacing, but it still didn’t click for me. Felt too obvious. And maybe it was obvious because I’d been thinking about this story for 6 weeks; maybe it wouldn’t be so obvious to someone reading it for the first time.
Dammit. I needed to just write the story.
If I’ve learned anything at all as a writer, I’ve learned that ideas often don’t click until I begin to put them down into real words, sentences, paragraphs. So, a few days ago, I used a trick that’s helped me break out of my writer’s block for my stalled novel: write daily, with a goal of 50 words per day. It’s worked beautifully for my novel, because once I start writing, I rarely stop at only 50 words. I just keep going.
I put down the opening paragraphs of Calista scouting out the ruin, setting the scene, and felt that was enough. 158 words. That was the first day.
The second day, I wrote out her getting closer and seeing what was inside the building: defenses, and another person, sleeping. Another 158 words.
Today, I had her actually find a way past the defenses and get into the building. Only 114 words, and I could tell I was stalling. Clearing my throat. 430 words, almost two pages, and no dialogue. This wouldn’t do.
So I got in the shower and somewhere along the way, the story started running in my head, starting with Lovie making a cryptic remark to Calista and jumping from there… that’s what I should be writing, I thought.
Suddenly, it made sense. Why Calista was there, and what Lovie wanted, and how the identity of the mysterious stranger was both menace and resolution for both of them, with an added twist of painful irony…
And the story is currently writing itself. Finally. That’s how my brain works.
“Can’t wait to share it” is a much better feeling than “can’t wait to tell it.”