Month: August 2008

Next time I ask a girl for her email address, I’ve got to remember to ask for her phone number, too. Also her sexual orientation. That’s important.

Sorry I’ve been so un-blog-y lately. I’ll work on that.

There’s only one kind of magic that I believe in, and it’s this:

Take one cord – USB, ethernet, power cable, doesn’t matter. Straighten it out, and lay it on the ground.

Take another cable – same kind, different kind, longer, shorter, doesn’t matter – and straighten it out, and lay it on the ground next to the first cable.

Look away for a moment, and then reach down to pick up the first cable.

…and it will be tangled up with the second cable already. What the!!!

Everything else has a reasonable scientific explanation. Yes, everything.

Also? I hate cables.

Y’know the Oregon Lottery self-check machines found in any lottery-equipped store or bar?

When I’ve had a winning ticket, it’s always said:

Congratulations Please See Retailer

…and then I’ve been disappointed to find that I’ve won a whopping four bucks.

I’ve wondered if the machines say anything different if the ticket is a big winner. So I asked one of the Daves at my local market about it last night. He said that if the amount of the winnings is over $600 (the limit that a retailer is required to pay out), it says:

Congratulations Please Report to Salem

or on the retail machines it says:

Congratulations Retailer Call Salem

So… good to know.

Dave had no idea if a ticket that won the top jackpot got a different message or not. He’d never seen anyone win that much.

Imagine checking a ticket late on a Friday night, in some convenience store, and finding out that you were a big winner? You’d have to wait through the whole weekend, knowing only that your little slip of paper was worth more than $600. Unless there’s a 24-hour hotline you can call…

That would be the longest weekend of my life. I’d probably have to spend lots of mental effort not burning through my life’s savings.

These are the some of the things I wonder about:

• Does saying a girl has a “great rack” automatically imply that she has huge breasts? Can’t a “great rack” just be aesthetically pleasing in shape and proportionate to the rest of her body without being huge?
• Is rain considered 100% humidity? If so, what would being underwater be?
• Why is it that you can brush your hair, and you can brush your teeth, but you can’t comb your teeth?

Just wonderin’.

Did Paris Freaking Hilton actually come off sounding smarter than John McCain?

See Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Ad and more funny videos on FunnyOrDie.com

Politics is so freakin’ weird now.

Debi thinks I look fabu.

Even though she hasn’t seen me lately.

When I wear black t-shirts now, sometimes, I’ll look down and see one or two chest hairs poking through.

Not so bad when it’s one of the darker ones. But the gray ones really stand out.

I imagine the opposite would be true if I wore white t-shirts.