Day #22 – Starting Late

OK, I admit it I almost let this one go. I didn’t get to it this morning before work, I didn’t pound out some words on my lunch break, and when I got home I got wrapped up in making delicious chicken chile verde and doing laundry and nearly spaced out on my writing chore.

But here I am. I’m due downstairs in the kitchen in less than 20 minutes to stir the pot—the damned recipe is very delicious but it takes freakin’ forever to cook – three hours! Three. Hours. I didn’t feel like eating dinner at 10 PM so instead of the chile verde I just microwaved a burrito. Don’t hate me. I’ll have plenty of chile verde tomorrow and Thursday, believe you me.

Starting late is OK as long as I get it done. And even if I miss a day, I need to not internalize that as a failure. I need to just get back on the job at the next opportunity.

I actually treat my nutrition this way. I try to eat right daily, but if I don’t, I talk myself out of feeling stress about it and then just get right back to it the very next chance I can. So why is writing so hard for me to treat similarly? Once I stop, I can hear the Inner Negative Voice chime in with the “writer’s block” talk. It’s tedious and disheartening. I don’t much like it. How does one talk back to the Inner Negative Voice? That stupid mo’fucker isn’t going away, but it sure would be nice to shut them up once in a while.

But let’s focus on the positives right now. For instance, my apartment smells delicious! I love it when it smells delicious. Smelling good food is my second favorite thing to do with food.

And I’m working on laundry! Clean clothes are always a plus. I even fold my laundry and put it away most of the time (he said, knowing he has a basket full of clean, folded clothes he’s been using since the last laundry day (shut up, I said most of the time.))

And of course, I’m writing my words. Building that habit. Greasing the groove, through which more and better words will come. I can just keep going like this until I hit my goal, which will be soon, because I’m typing nonsense right now, and that’s perfectly OK. This may not make for riveting blog posts (sorry, SEO fans) but it’s an exercise that is helping me tremendously for the moment.

Take that, Inner Negative Voice! I’m doing my best to ignore you and press on with my goals. If that doesn’t shut you up, I don’t know what will.

I ran out of steam there and I still have ~50 words to go (not counting this sentence) so here’s my anti-climax: I just want to get to my destination, where I’m writing all the time. When will that get here? Who knows, man? Who freaking knows?