Love lost and found

I’m surprised that my post about going to the doctor’s with Lindsey is now officially my most popular post ever, getting a record six comments from six different people (plus one reply to each of them from myself). Apparently falling in love is a great topic for conversation!

I started this blog at a low point in my personal life. My first two posts were about a woman I had dated for a short but significant time, and re-reading those posts now, I can see that I was trying to capture both the good and the bad, the ups and the downs of our relationship.

One of the many themes here has been, for me, the search for a connection. I’ve looked in some unlikely places… wait, I can’t say that, when I know that the “unlikely place” I’m referring to is strip clubs. Strip clubs may not be mainstream and it’s common knowledge that one should not fall in love with a stripper… but many people (men and women both) have figured that they were special enough to beat those odds.

Little do they realize that the best dancers have become “the best” by learning how to make you fall in love with them, even a little bit. I learned a long time ago what the rules are in the clubs, and I learned it the hard way, long before I started this blog. So hopefully my posts reflect that sense of knowing I need to keep my distance, but enjoying the moment and the fantasy. So while I’ve looked for a connection at the tip rails and during the couch dances… I’ve known enough to keep it all mostly in the club.

But that’s not the only place one can make a connection. I’ve found it on MAX trains and buses, in coffee shops and diners and pizza places and music stores, just out doing the day-to-day chores that make up our lives. I’ve looked and found it online.

But except for brief flashes, usually, the connection is momentary. It doesn’t last.

It rarely lasts. I reach out, I take a chance, I talk to strangers, I put a little piece of myself on the line. I get in return, a conversation, a date, maybe two dates. And a story, which has, always come to an end after all-to-short a time.

…or I should say, it rarely lasts. All but one time. This one time. This one time, now, that I’m going through. Lindsey and I have met, and we feel we share a connection, that we are continuing to explore but which surprises both of us with its depth.

And considering the theme of my blog, and how often I have reached out for that sense of connection, feeling it now, with Lindsey… I have considered that this particular arc of my life may be over. I think: is it time to close this blog and move on? Was my “Needles” post the denouement of the story that opened with a broken connection with my previous girlfriend?

Don’t worry, I haven’t run out of topics to write about. And I’m not ending this. But in a very tangible way, I feel as if I have finished a chapter in my life and am moving into a new one.

The connection has been made, and now I get to find out what comes next.