A personals ad reply

This rescued draft post almost reads like a subtle parody of a reply to a personals ad. And yet, I’m almost positive that I wrote it in all sincerity.

I can’t recall if she ever replied or not. I don’t even recall anything about the person who posted the original ad.

It was years ago, I’m sure.

At any rate, something to ponder on this cold (but not snowy) Tuesday morning.

Browsing the profiles on Salon, I’ve become cynical and jaded. Since at least the time Salon switched over to the new format, but probably even before that, it seems that replies and actual connections with like-minded singles had been, well, falling off. Drying up, even. Maybe it’s me and my profile, maybe it’s the season (are standards higher during the holidays?), who knows? But, I paid for it, so I still go through them from time to time, looking at the pictures, reading the clever answers to the clever questions. Shopping, basically. Window shopping.

I saw your profile. You seemed cute. Tall, and I’m a tad shorter than you – that’s sometimes a problem for women to overcome, I understand that. Not for me, of course. I read further to see your clever answers.

And in the very first space I get a bolt of lightning. Arthur Nersesian! I have at least four of his books and love them all. “Chinese Takeout”? I haven’t heard of that one! I surf over to Powell’s website and search – and not only do I get a hit for “Chinese Takeout” I find ANOTHER book by him I haven’t read! Have you read “Unlubricated”? Me, either, but now I know I have to go to Powell’s on my lunch break and pick both of these up (I work downtown, 5 blocks from Powell’s – it’s a favorite hangout. A burrito from Baja Fresh on 11th and browse the stacks in the City of Books).

Am I trying too hard? Maybe. But some women think that’s cute. At any rate, even if you don’t write back, I wanted to thank you for the early Christmas present you unwittingly sent my way. Thank you, and I hope you find what you’re looking for this season.