The opposite of language [B5 - 11 January 2008]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

This will by my final blogiversary post. It's from early this year, and I like it because I captured my perplexity at what most consider normal, human interaction, at a very dark and cold winter of what turned out to be a fear-filled and frozen year for me.

I've picked these posts for the last 30 days for essentially capricious reasons - I liked a turn of phrase, or they reminded me of something I felt when I wrote them, or just because I wanted to re-post some of the longer posts I've written. What's most fascinating to me is noticing how different they make me feel now, long after the heat of the moment when I wrote them, and how putting them into a new context changes the meaning I get from them.

Here's to another five years. Forward the future!

*****
I've been feeling scruffy and bloated, unshaven and flaky and stinky. I haven't been running. I have been eating way too much. Been wearing the same clothes day after day.

Hey, at least I've been going to work.

Tuesday night felt like I'd been working all week already. I dragged my ass to the bus stop in the rain, hoping some music would cheer me up. My bus was a bit crowded, so I chose to sit in front of the bus, in the sideways-facing seats normally saved for the elderly or disabled. It was dark; the driver had the lights off in front. I sat and lost myself in my iPhone.

Except... there was a cute girl sitting in the first forward-facing seat, next to a non-descript guy. The girl had long dark auburn hair. Her hair reached the small of her back. She was wearing jeans, and a snug fleece jacket, and had a backpack that was probably at least a third of her body weight, and a messenger bag. I'd seen her before, on the bus, and in my neighborhood, and I must have caught her eye and smiled and looked away. Must have.

She didn't smile back at me. In fact, her body language... well, I don't admit to being an expert in interpreting body language, but she seemed stiff and uncomfortable. Her upper body was perfectly straight and faced forward but her face was turned to look out the window on her side of the bus, and her legs were crossed and turned out into the aisle in the opposite direction. But somehow she still kept looking at me. She never kept eye contact, though; if I were looking at her, she would quickly glance away. No smile.

I thought nothing of it and re-immersed myself in my surfing. A stop or two later, the sideways-facing row of seats across from me opened up, and, abruptly, the girl got up and moved there. This time, she curled herself into an S-shape, facing forward, tucking her legs and leaning her upper body, both in the direction of travel for the bus. One arm lay along the top of the bench, the other arm pulled her legs in tighter and held on to the strap of her backpack. She took up at least two whole seats.

But she still kept looking over at me. Maybe I brought it on, because I kept looking at her. But because of how I was sitting, legs out in front of me, slumped over, both hands holding my iPhone in my lap, facing at right angles to the direction of travel, if I looked up at all I was looking right at her. I thought she was cute, but I got an uncomfortable vibe from her tight, controlled body language. I started to avoid any eye contact at all, looking out the window past her, or looking towards the front of the bus, or looking into the back of the bus.

In my peripheral vision, though, I could still see her looking my way. And when I looked up again, we made eye contact again. And she looked away.

I texted Tracy to ask for advice and she responded "if she makes eye contact and holds it, TALK TO HER". But no; the girl kept glancing away. She got off the bus a couple stops before me and I wrote it off. Maybe I smelled bad. Maybe I gave her an odd look. Maybe I look like her ex-boyfriend. Who knows?

Wednesday, I hopped a bus across the river for my lunch break. And even though the weather was winter rain and general blah, walking around downtown picked up my spirits a bit, just as I'd hoped. I love downtown Portland. There's such a range of types, especially in the middle of a work day. Business suits, fleece- and sandal-wearing outdoors-y folk, punks, baggy sportswear hip-hoppers... all kinds.

I still felt lumpy and alien, but amongst all those different kinds of people, how could I not fit in? I still kept a mental distance, observing instead of interacting, but it lightened my mood just being there.

When it was time to head back to work, ugh, I walked to the bus stop. And as soon as I got there, a punk princess got there, too. Dark blue Mohawk, pulled back into almost a ponytail with bright pink hair clips. Leather biker jacket, black miniskirt over black leggings, knee-high black leather boots covered in bright metal zippers, in fact platform boots with several inches of sole. Even in the boots she was shorter than me, compact in the same way as a hand grenade. Beautiful. Hot. And when she looked my way, she had the brightest sky-blue eyes.

I still felt ragged. Shabby. I smiled and looked down. Fiddled with my earbuds. Changed the volume. Stuffed my hands into my pockets. Shuffled from foot to foot. Looked for the bus.

She kept looking over at me. Like the redhead on the bus the night before, no smile. Well... again, body language is not my forté, but the punk girl's eyes appeared to be smiling, even if her lips weren't. She looked over several times, and made eye contact several times, even though I was in the opposite direction of where she would have to watch for the bus. Finally, when the bus approached, she stepped out from under the awning shielding her from the rain and strutted right past me to stand by the bus stop sign, nearly brushing me as she did. It felt aggressive, bold. I smiled. But that's all I did.

Thursday night after work, after dinner of jambalaya at The Limelight, still feeling shopworn, I grabbed a cinnamon roll and cup of coffee at my neighborhood coffee shop, losing myself in my laptop and fading out in a public place. I knew if I went home I'd just go to sleep, but I didn't feel up to anything more interactive than chatting or surfing, and I still wanted to be around other people that wouldn't put much of a demand on me. Wow, writing that out and reading it makes me sound... conflicted. I suppose that I am.

Holly was working in the shop by herself for a while, and just sat behind the counter and read. Until a friend of hers came in, another girl her age or older (Holly is in her early 20s), and Holly came out from behind the counter and sat at the table next to mine and she and her friend talked and laughed and sipped coffee. Holly would get up for the occasional customer, then return to the table.

The friend sat slouched over, feet stretched out under the table, hands on the table, fingers spliced together or hands holding up her chin. Holly was curled up, one leg tucked up under her on the chair, leaning over her cup of coffee or holding her head up with a hand on her chin.

From time to time, they would laugh, I would look up, and the friend would look over at me, sideways, and smile, then look away.

My laptop battery drained, slowly, and when it was nearly done, I decided I'd go home instead of plugging it in. Time to retire for the evening. I stood, packed up, put on my coat and scarf. I walked past Holly's table (couldn't avoid it, really) and waved at Holly. "G'night," I said.

"Good night!" she said. Then, "Wait!"

I turned around.

She looked around quickly and selected the paperback book in front of her. "Have you ever read Steinbeck?" Her tone seemed improvisational and impulsive. She blurted out the question.

"Not that much," I said, "Just 'Travels with Charley', a long time ago."

She held up the book. 'East of Eden'. "Do you want this one? I started reading it and I got about 80 pages into it and it pissed me off, so I skipped ahead and read the ending and I knew I wouldn't like it so I really just don't want to read it at all so I need to give it away and I know you read a lot. Do you want it? You don't have to take it but I thought maybe you wanted it." During her rambling, spilling monologue her friend smiled up at me.

I bantered a bit with Holly about having a pile of unread books at home; Holly said she did, too, but they were all Stephen King and she was trying to broaden her horizons, but she didn't like sad books. I laughed and said I could handle sad books, which was bravado considering how I'd felt lately, and thanked her and took the book. I wished her and her friend good night, and walked out into the rain.

And wondered what all this body language had been about. If only I could interpret it in the moment, and not days or hours later... This whole week I've felt as if I've been avoiding something that's been trying to get my attention.

But I don't feel ready yet. Do I need to be ready? Don't I?

What's the opposite of body language?

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:39 AM

No direction home [B5 - 31 December 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Travel is a recurring theme on my blog. I've been on road trips, I've been to Mexico several times and spent a Christmas and New Year's in New York. I love going away because it's different than home, and going away means coming back and seeing with new, refreshed eyes.

Here's a post that amuses me greatly, written during my New York trip two years ago.

*****

1. I'm standing at the Long Island Rail Road station in Jamaica, Queens, New York, having arrived in the tri-state area via airplane about an hour previous. It's about 8:30 PM. I'm waiting for my connection to Glen Head, New York. I'm tired and out of sorts. I've only been in New York once before in my life. I've got a messenger bag (with the logo of a Seattle radio station on it) and a giant piece of luggage.
   
   And a guy, tall, dark chocolate skin, sweater and jeans, walks up to me, ticket in hand, staring at the signs, obviously lost and confused. He spots me and approaches. "Is this the train to West Hempstead?" he asks me.
   
   I shrug. "Dunno. Sorry."
   
   
2. I''m in Greenwich Village, crossing Houston (which is pronounced locally as "HOW-stun", hands tucked in my pockets, my eyes hooded by my baseball cap, scarf wrapped around my face against the wind. It's 9:30 PM or so, dark and cold, but this neighborhood is filled with people. The odors from dozens of restaurants fill the air and delight my nose, overpowering the smell of car exhaust.
   
   I've heard people call Portland's NW 21st Street "Portland's Greenwich Village" but now that I've seen the real thing, the comparison is not appropriate. The real neighborhood is much much more interesting. Maybe in another 100 years Portland's will approach it.
   
   A couple pauses, he tall and blandly handsome, she short, thin, dark-haired, Roman nose, crossing the opposite direction from me. I glance up, smile softly, keep walking. She pauses and turns to me. "Is Bleeker Street this way?" she asks, pointing in the direction I've just come.
   
   "Yeah," I say, in my best New Yorkian accent, "It's one blawk up." I surprise myself with how easily the accent, and the directions, come. And they're both accurate.
   
   "OK, thanks!" And they scamper off like puppies.
   
   
3. Later that same night, I'm walking west along Canal Street, having tried, and failed, to find Ground Zero (I just didn't go far enough). I guess I should have asked for directions...
   
   Another generic hip urban couple in their black wool coats, male and female, are walking in the direction from which I came. She looks at me and asks, "Is Little Italy this way?" The boy tugs on her arm and avoids looking at me, his masculinity threatened by having to ask, even by proxy.
   
   "Sorry, I got nothin'. I'm a tourist, too!" I say with a smile. They walk away.
   
   
4. I'm scrambling down the stairs at Penn Station, Saturday afternoon, trying to catch the New Jersey Transit train that will take me back to the airport, and eventually my hotel. It's the New York Coastal train (I believe) and all I know is that it stops at Newark International Airport, where I can catch a shuttle to the Hilton.
   
   An older lady, in her late 50s or early 60s, bottle-blonde hair, coming down the stairs with me, looks at me. "Is this the train to Secaucus?" She pronounces it with the accent on the first syllable.
   
   "Uh, I'm not sure. I'm just taking it to Newark. Sorry."
   
   She nods and looks around for a porter or conductor as we reach the bottom of the stairs and the train platform. I hustle onboard and stand near the door.
   
   The first stop after Penn Station was Secaucus. I saw her get off there. After all the directions I've given it's nice to see that some folks do reach where they're going, after all.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:53 PM

No reason [B5 - 9 September 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Sometimes childhood memories are so confusing.

And sometimes just asking questions leads to answers - like when my sister posted her (I think) one and only comment on my blog back in '06.

*****
I remember, when I was very young, like 4 or 5 or 6, that my sister and I had gerbils as pets.

And I remember that they would get out of the cage sometimes and hide behind the piano.

And as I look back on those ancient memories, I find myself wondering:

Why?

Why did we have a piano?!

My parents didn't play the piano, at least not that I ever remember.

I remember getting a guitar for a birthday or Christmas present and having a lesson, but I don't remember having more than one.

I know my sister did go on to play flute and saxaphone in high school and a bit after.

But no piano.

We were not rich, my family, when I was growing up, and so, it seems odd that my parents would spend so much money on... a piano.

The piano in the apartment on Spencer Creek Road will forever remain a mystery to me.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:52 AM 0 comments

Unreasonable response to reasonable requests [B5 - 26 June 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Here's another post where I try to figure out why other people don't act the way I expect them to. Who do they think they are?

*****
It never fails to amaze me when I get an unreasonable response to a resonable request. Of course, being who I am, when I point out such disparities to the responder, it never seems to have an effect; they often only become more unresonable.

Often, the response is one of two things (or a combination of the two): first, to turn around and attack me, denigrate me for even bringing it up or calling attention to it, or second, to parse the language - the classic "that depends on what the definition of 'is' is."

Among a group of friends, someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think it's out of line to ask for an accommodation once in a while. And even then, it's OK if the others decline. I'm fine with that. But what I don't get is when I am blasted for even asking, like my asking was somehow so outrageous that I'm a selfish bastard for even bringing it up. In the most recent example of this the person chose the tactic of turning a discussion about this single event into a blanket statement for all time, ever, world without end amen. How is that reasonable?

It's not that difficult to compromise, people. Here's an example. My sister and her husband obviously enjoy different types of movies. Having two kids, they don't get out to see movies all that often. If they had to agree on a movie that would satisfy them both every single time, they would end up arguing for so long that they would never get to the theater. So they have a compromise in place: they alternate choosing the movies. If they're unsatisfied with the others' choice, they know that next time they'll get to choose. It works over the long run, and it's based on trust. It works. Everybody gets a turn, everybody's happy.

A key point in a compromise is mutuality: both sides have to concede something. When dealing with a single, one-time only event, then everyone would need to give up some ground. (BTW, if everyone agrees in the first place, it's not a compromise; it's a consensus, which is a different kettle of fish.) But when dealing with an ongoing series of events, then the concessions need to be looked at over the course of the series; for example, my example of my sister and her husband.

But back to the outrageous response to a reasonable request. How best to deal with people like that? I for one am flummoxed. If I'm right in principle and right in the facts, then I'm not going to back down. Being backed by the correct position and the prevailing facts should (I would hope) be enough to sway folks' opinions. It's not, though, and I have a difficult time comprehending why. And the more I look into this, the more I find that those who can't be swayed by ethics or principle (which is, after all, the basis of negotiating a compromise) are, in fact, unreasonable and prone to all-or-nothing thinking. The kind of people who start to pick apart individual words and misread them in an attempt to make their point. Or the kind of people who look for others to side with them, hoping that by weight of opinions they can enforce a "majority view". Or the kind of people who simply attack the other to provide cover for their outrageous actions.

My friends, those who trust me, know that I am capable of admitting I've made a mistake. I go out of my way to support my opinions and to make certain that I'm seeing and dealing with the world as it really exists, not as I wish it to be. I am self-correcting. And because of that, I'm OK with my friends pointing out when I'm wrong. It's actually important for me, because I know that I'm automatically biased in favor of my own point of view, and often others can see things differently enough to point out what I'm missing.

But even when I'm wrong, I think I deserve a level of respect. I am often wearing my Easy-Going Guy Togs and go along with the prevailing view. However, when I request a change in plans, I would hope that my previous history of allowance would gain me some favor, some karma, some goodwill. Is that wrong? Do I set myself up for people to take advantage of my easy-going nature when I don't speak up except once in a while? Perhaps I should consider that.

Because that's what I feel like when this happens. I'll go along, and go along, and go along, then make a request and suddenly I'm a heartless bastard. Gee, nobody complained when I was silent about doing things I wasn't so enthused about; why complain now?

Damn, this is all about boundaries, isn't it? The damn topic comes up too often. Is there a middle ground, where I can make it clear that a compromise is in force, so that later it seems less of a surprise when I ask for a change? Interpersonal communication is hard.

But, again, back to the outrageous responders: I recognize that I'm unable to change them, so for me, my typical response is to point out that they're wrong and avoid them. I've got no particular compulsion to spend a lot of energy on them. Their mendacity is hugely draining. If there's a better way to deal with them I will be happy to look for it but for the most part, I don't need them and therefore don't have any reason to give them more than I'm required by the social circumstances.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:44 AM

Big Wad [B5 - 8 July 2007]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Continuing my mining of July 2007 for re-postable posts, here's a nice little tale of winning the lottery, nicely told, I think.

*****
I had a big stack of lottery tickets that may, or may not, be winners. I don't check them right away after the drawing; I figure if they're not for the big prize, it's not urgent to find out if I won an extra few bucks. Also, I don't always trust the cashiers when they check my tickets. What if it's a winning ticket, they tell me "no, sorry" and then pocket the ticket?

Yeah, there's a downside to skepticism. Trust is a rare and valuable thing in this crazy mixed-up hill of beans. Or, y'know, whatever.

Today I decided to check them myself. Some lottery retailers have self-check machines - a box with a slot and a barcode reader to scan the ticket and let you know if it's a winner or not. One of these retailers is the Peterson's Market on SW 4th and Washington, and since I was downtown this afternoon fondling the iPhone I can't buy yet, as I passed the convenience store, sad and iPhone-less, I walked in, wad of lottery tickets in hand.

First ticket I scanned... didn't. It wouldn't scan no matter how I tried. I set it aside. Next one came up:

Congratulations! Please see retailer.

The rest of the tickets did not show up as winners.

I approached the cashier, a tall skinny guy with Buddy Holly glasses, and showed him the two tickets, one a mystery, the other a winner.

His eyebrows popped up above the black rims of his glasses when he scanned the winner.

"Was it a lot?" I asked.

"A hundred fifty-two," he said.

"Nice! I can get that from you, right?" Officially, anything under $600 can be redeemed at a retailer, but practically speaking, I'm not sure a convenience store at 2:30 PM on a Sunday is going to have that much in cash.

"I think so..." he said. He showed me the other ticket. "This one's four bucks." He popped open the register and did not look happy at what he saw.

"Well, the Rialto" which was next door "would probably have it if you don't. Unless you've already registered the transaction?"

There was a couple behind me, chubby guy with green hair and a slender Middle-Eastern girl in black, waiting, so the cashier helped them. They bought cigarettes. I was patient. I had money coming.

When the clerk got back to me, he started counting out bills. He held up a wad of greenbacks. "You don't mind singles and fives, do you?"

I didn't care. I shrugged. It was kinda taking too long already. "Nah." I felt suddenly conspicuous as another, older couple walked in and stood behind me.

He laughed, under his breath. Upon seeing my curious look, he explained in a not-really way "that's just my weird sense of humor." He laid out the two tickets on the counter. "This one's $4; this one's $158. Total of $162." Held up the big wad of cash. "We'll count it out together." He only had two twenties; then he started in on the fives.

"...one forty eight, one forty nine, one fifty, one fifty one, one fifty two." He stopped counting, out of money.

"Uh... you still owe me ten bucks," I said. "158 plus 4 is 162, not 152."

"Oh! You're right!" He looked genuinely surprised, not duplicitous. "I'm a terrible cashier." He popped open the register again, frowning. He held up a roll of quarters. "Is change OK?"

I laughed. It really was funny to me, though the frustration and delays and scrounging I was making this guy do took some of the funny off. "That's fine; I'll take the quarters."

The pile of money was too big to go in my wallet. I put it in the front pouch on my messenger back, carefully zipped it closed, and walked out, suddenly flush with cash.

Not enough for an iPhone... yet.

Labels: blogiversary

• 7:55 AM

Close but no... [B5 - 11 July 2007]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

July 2007 was apparently a fruitful month for me as far as blogging goes. I've found a lot of gems that I'd like to preserve... including the story of the beautiful blond girl on MAX.

As an untold addendum, that girl actually found my post and contacted me about it, sent me her MySpace page, and then promptly vanished, probably a bit embarrassed by the whole thing.

And I was a few years off in my estimation of her age. But all my friends know I'm bad at guessing age anyway.

*****
Crowded train home tonight. I stood next to a beautiful blonde girl, in her mid-20s. An inch or two taller than me, full-figured, brown eyes, full lips, cheeks and nose dusted with faint freckles. I was facing to the left of the train's motion, and she held onto the pole, facing toward the train's forward motion.

I was already in place when she boarded, and as she took her place next to me, I dared not move, and so, due to random chance, we ended up in close proximity, two strangers. Just by not averting my gaze (shielded by my sunglasses and the brim of my hat though they were) I could examine her face in profile, just inches away from mine.

Her hand seemed small for a girl so tall, and it wrapped the pole just above mine. I could see her fingernails, short, unpainted, with just a hint of dirt under them, the skin a bit rough. She worked with her hands. She did not pamper them. My own hands have seen their share of dirt and cuts and scrapes but today seemed far fairer than did hers.

She was dressed in functional black. I assumed she worked in the food or service industry.

There was an intimacy, at least for me. I kept my expression neutral but I felt familiar with her, a warmth. I had not been this close to another human being for far too long.

The nearness of this beautiful girl affected me deeply.

That's just how starved for human contact I feel.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:48 AM

Giant + Enormous [B5 - 12 July 2007]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

From the Department of Corrections (and Rants) comes this gentle reminder of the true, correct spelling of a brand-new word.

I will re-post this and re-post this as many times as it takes for my preferred spelling to be recognized.

*****
Dear Miriam-Webster:

You may be among the leaders in dictionaries, however, I feel that you have allowed your metaphorical crown to become besmirched.

Yes, yes, you feel the hot breath of user-generated content and Web 2.0 on your editor's collective necks, and so, out of fear, you rush to adopt words in a way that resembles the crazed actions of a parent trying to connect with their teenagers. "Hey," you say, "look at us, adding these new words, words like RPG and smackdown and crunk to the dictionary! Aren't we 'fly' for adding these words?"

Um... guys... those words are old words, words that have been around for decades. Look, don't use words that were cool when you were kids to impress the kids, mmmKay? Doesn't work.

But... the worst offense is when you add a word and you add it incorrectly.

It's not ginormous. It's gianormous.

Like giant + enormous. Gianormous. Get it?

Please feel free to correct this soon.

To be sure, there's some dispute over my preferred spelling, but two out of three entries at Urban Dictionary (ah, there's that user-generated content that's got the old-school companies runnin' scared) agree with me. I win.

Sincerely,

Brian

Labels: blogiversary

• 7:46 AM

Uhhh [B5 - 28 July 2007]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Ah, iPhone Girl, how can I ever forget you?

*****
At Backspace surfing. Tall thin guy on a couch across from me is approached by a tall (hard to judge but she's wearing flats and seems 6' tall from where I sit) short-haired brunette, thin and muscular, in a skintight black T and jeans, with tats up and down her arms and peeking out from various bits of flesh here and there. They start talking about programming - the guy mentions something about Ruby Cocoa, which pegs him as a Mac OS X programmer.

The girl hadn't heard of Ruby Cocoa but she was aware of the implications. She's a programmer, too. Or at least hardcore geek. They're apparently waiting for more people so they chat.

The guy gets a phone call and takes it on his generic non-smart non-PDA phone.

However, my already burning curiosity gets some kerosene tossed on it when the girl pulls out an iPhone. She plays with it for a bit while the boy is on his call.

I lean over the top of my laptop. "I'm trying not to covet your iPhone," I say.

"Oh, no, that's perfectly understandable," she says, almost embarrassed.

"So if you feel waves of attention from over here, it's me," I say, along with waving my hands in her direction to indicate said waves.

She chuckles. "It's the only thing I have going for me, lately."

I hope that the look on my face reflects my complete astonishment at this ludicrous statement, but knowing how well I hide my feelings it probably didn't. Let's see: she's brainy, geeky, tall, hot, and she loves amazing design and ease of use and sexy sexy technology, and yet still modest enough to apologize for it all. I don't remember what I said, exactly, but I think I just nodded.

She talks about how it's the most amazing thing she's ever owned and that she's completely OK with how much it costs. She must get asked that a lot, but doesn't she see that I'm surfing on a MacBook Pro? Don't worry, milady, I get it.

I mention that I'm waiting for my T-Mobile contract to expire so I can get one; she counters with the fact that she paid the early termination fee to T-Mobile to get the iPhone. I ask her how the EDGE service is in Portland and she says it's great.

I go back to surfing while the boy finishes his phone call and plays with the iPhone.

They're joined by another girl, also cute, but obviously lacking an iPhone. They leave for some other venue.

At least I said something. Maybe I'll post this in Missed Connections...

Labels: blogiversary

• 3:41 PM

I tried to be a hero [B5 - 26 November 2007]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

From just under a year ago comes this story about me trying to help, and flirt with, a girl on a bus. Which is a surprisingly common situation since I don't own a car.

*****
She sat one seat ahead of me on the bus. She was dressed in comfortable jeans that had seen a million wear-wash-dry cycles. A warm soft sweater. A hoodie. Clogs. Her brownish-red hair was pulled back with a simple rubber band. No makeup that I could see on her pale, freckled face. Glasses. She appeared to be in her early 30s, though everyone will tell you I am a poor judge of age.

Her posture was tired and slumped. Her knees pressed up against the seat in front of her, her feet dangling, her body curled into a comfortable curlycue. She would lean into the window, her cheek pressed against the cool glass, where outside it was raining, pouring, somewhere an old man snoring, oh, no, that's thunder or the roar of passing traffic.

I know she wasn't dressed up. I know she was dressed in comfortable, comforting clothes. I could tell she had a bit of the geek in her, a little bit of social misfit. It felt familiar to me. I could look out from my turned-up collar, my lower face shrouded in gray scarf, from eyes shaded from the pale fluorescent light by the brim of my battered baseball cap, and I felt a connection. We were both shielding ourselves from human contact with our unkempt clothing.

I watched her thumb through and occasionally read from a pamphlet on exercise and diet. I wondered if she had just come from a doctor's office. Was her apparent sadness due to an illness? She did not look overweight to me, even in her oversized clothes. I wanted to say something to her, anything.

I said nothing.

Her stop arrived, one stop before my own. She stood, turned, walked off the bus, and vanished into the gray deluge. The doors closed. The bus continued. I rang the bell.

I stood up... and looking into the seat she had just vacated, there was a white plastic bag, with two bottles just visible inside, one a medicinal green, the other a warm and healthy red. As the bus stopped for me, without a conscious thought, I grabbed the bag, and dove out the door, and ran back towards the other stop.

She was sick, and she left her prescription on the bus! I could find her, and return it to her, and be a hero!

My shoes splashed in the puddles, the rain beat down on me, ran into my eyes... I ran the two blocks back to her stop, the bag dangling from my hand.

She was nowhere to be seen. I looked all directions, but she had gone. Where, I could not tell. I tried a couple of options but no luck.

Gone.

I walked back to my house. Rain still poured down on me. I had had a story, had seen how it would have been in that instant before grabbing the bag and leaping off the bus. That story did not coalesce. I wondered now if I had actually prevented her from getting her medicine back, rather than helping her find it. Surely she would notice she had left the bag behind, and she would first try to contact Tri-Met, but they would not be able to help her.

In the rain, my brain came up with another story; these were prescriptions, and oftentimes the patient's name is printed on the labels. Once I got home, I could look her up, and call her to let her know I had saved her medicine, and her health. It was raining hard so I had to wait until I was safely inside and dry.

When I opened the bag, in the warmth of my living room, however, I saw not two bottles of medicine, but a small green bottle of dishwashing soap, and a small red bottle of laundry detergent. No receipt. No identifying information at all.

So that explained why she was wearing her comfy clothes...

Labels: blogiversary

• 9:37 AM

Lost in Space [B5 - 25 May 2008]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

On the 31st anniversary of the release of "Star Wars" (the first one, duh) I wrote up a little essay on my love of movies. Enjoy... again.

*****
In May 1981, I was already a huge nerd for movies. Specifically movies from George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. Lucas had come to my attention due to his writing and directing a little popcorn flick called "Star Wars" (which, not so coincidentally, opened 31 years ago today), and had followed it up by writing and producing the much-darker and almost universally acknowledged superior "Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back".

"Star Wars" was for me, like many men of my generation, a turning point. But I didn't get to see the movie until late in the summer, as I recall. It opened while I was still in school, sixth grade at North Oak Grove Elementary School. The following fall, I would be going to Oak Grove Junior High, so there was already a sense of change in the air for me; new school, new routine. But my friends all got to see this movie long before me. After Memorial Day weekend, they returned to the classroom and playground with tales of Jedi, and Sith Lords, and Millennium Falcons, and TIE Fighters, and Artoo and Threepio. I couldn't make heads or tails of what they were talking about, but it all sounded like the most fascinating thing in the world - even more fascinating to me than Julie Phillips, the brunette muse that had attracted my shy attention but whom I never actually spoke to.

When I would ask about going to see this movie, my dad would refuse outright. The movie was so popular that there were lines at the theaters. Lines! Can you imagine! "No way in hell am I going to stand in line for a fucking movie!" my dad declared. This nearly broke my heart. However, through my Science Fiction Book Club membership, I sent away for a copy of the novelization for the movie, and devoured it in a single sitting. I would tell my parents and sister all about how this was just one chapter in the Adventures of Luke Skywalker, and explain that the Old Republic was legendary, but how it had fallen to the predation of Palpatine, who declared himself Emperor. It was as much, if not more, nonsense to them as my friends' explanations had be to me. OK, maybe far more. Now I knew the story but I still ached to see the actual movie.

Then, after school had let out for summer, came word that "Star Wars" was playing at a tiny little theater in tiny little Estacada, about 25 miles south east along the Clackamas River. There were no lines there. There was also no Dolby Sound and no 70mm film print in all its widescreen glory, but I was 12. I had few options unless I was willing to compromise. Mom, Dad, my sister, myself, and my Grandma Hayner all drove out one summer afternoon, and for the first and last time in my life I sat in that theater and watched what had only been words on a page become real. Even on the smaller screen, even with "normal" sound, even surrounded by the dank smell of summer sweat and popcorn... "Star Wars" took me away. All other viewings of that movie don't compare to that one instance. And believe me, I have seen that movie many many times since then.

Spielberg had directed "Jaws" in 1975, which I have never seen to this day in its entirety but was a source of conversation to my grade-school buddies, and in 1977, "Close Encounters of the Third Kind". It was a much gentler alien invasion flick. The first time I saw CE3K, I and my nephew had to convince my dad to drive clear across town to the Eastgate theater, which he did, grumbling all the way, and taking back streets to avoid the horrible traffic of SE 82nd Ave. We arrived late, after the movie had already started, a huge source of annoyance to me at the time. I wouldn't argue with my dad, though; well, maybe a sarcastic remark in passing. Kevin and I had to sit near the back, and right in front of a speaker tower for the then-new Dolby sound system. If you remember the climactic chase at the end of the movie, that particular speaker was solely responsible for the sounds of the helicopters which chased Roy around Devil's Tower. Helicopters are loud.

So much so was I captured by the vision of Lucas' galaxy far, far away that it became the central obsession in my life, neatly supplanting Star Trek. So much so that when the sequel, "The Empire Strikes Back" came out in 1980, that I and my friends read the novelization, read the comic books, bought (and stole - I'm not proud of that now but I'm sure the statute of limitations is long since up by now) the action figures, listened to the soundtrack and "The Story of" LPs... everything. Everything. I was a sophomore at Milwaukie High School now. My mom drove me and Kevin out to the Westgate theater for opening night. And, yes, we stood in line. We were almost turned away, but when the theater employees came out to say there were three seats left, but not all together, we were ushered inside. I had to sit in the very front row, waaaaay off to one side, but it didn't matter. I knew that this would be one viewing out of many. And for the rest of the summer, when Terry and I had nothing else to do, we would take the long bus ride from Milwaukie to Beaverton to see "Empire".

Spielberg was also the director of the amusing but under-rated "1941", which made me and my high school budies, Terry, Andy, and Rodney, laugh at the time, but which I no longer remember many details of. I remember John Belushi in a WWII Airman's uniform, and a ferris wheel breaking free and rolling into the Pacific after being attacked by Japanese Zeroes. And that's about it. We liked it because it was from Spielberg.

So in the summer of 1981, I was now a junior in high school. I had more interest in girls but still lacked any sort of courage. I remember most of high school as hanging out with my buddies, playing Dungeons and Dragons, talking about "Star Wars", and an unending series of crushes on cute girls. I was smart enough that my classes posed no challenge to me - well, except for the obstacle of actually doing my classwork. I was distracted and often late in my work. Didn't they understand? There was a galaxy at war, people! Far more important matters were at hand. I fantasized about the Millennium Falcon landing on the high school football field and taking me away, and Han Solo reluctantly allowing me to pilot the ship, and being amazed at how well I flew for a kid.

And as summer approached that year, so did news of the first-ever collaboration between Lucas and Spielberg. It starred Han Solo - I mean, Harrison Ford. I had been burned before by learning early that Darth Vader was Luke's father, so this time around I avoided reading much about the movie. I knew it was a throwback to the pulp stories of the 1930s... and that's about it.

The movie opened on 12 June 1981, which I remember being the last Friday of the school year. I went by myself to the Southgate theater, a theater that has been not just closed, but completely eradicated from existence since those days. The building was a cinder-block warehouse, with two large theaters and two smaller ones. "Raiders" was playing in the largest theater, and for some reason I remember the crowd for that showing being rather small. There were empty seats. And as I watched and enjoyed the movie, I kept getting distracted by a couple sitting ahead of me.

It was Karen Hatton and her boyfriend, Trey.

Karen was my then-current crush. Snarky before snarky was a word, funny, imaginative, blonde-ish, thin. She was just as much into "Star Wars" as I was, which made her that much cooler. Oh, and she had gone out with my best friend, Terry Mantia, waaaaaay back in junior high, and they remained friends, so Karen was a part of my circle of friends. And so was Amy Dinkler, Karen's best friend. The four of us shared a few classes, including Drama class, and we would talk about all the important things in the world, like whether Princess Leia would choose Luke or Han (little did we know), and whether the Emperor could afford decent marksmanship training for stormtroopers, and if there was anything a lightsaber could not cut.

I crushed hard on Karen. I didn't notice Amy until senior year, when I discovered that she had been crushing on me for a year or more.

Sitting in the Southgate theater, my attention was split between the fantastic adventure on the screen and the practical drama in front of me. Trey and Karen were making out in the dark. After the movie, my head filled with images of giant rolling boulders and melting faces, my sights were filled with Karen and Trey holding hands and walking out into the parking lot and into his car. Trey, you see, was a senior. An older man.

The following week, we still had a few days of school left, but mentally everyone had checked out. The only reason we came back, I think, was to pick up our yearbooks and get them signed. As I wandered around the hallways with Terry, his gray fedora perched on his head, I alternated between telling him about "Raiders" and complaining about Karen. His advice was to stay away from Karen. "She's got issues."

Don't we all?

Labels: blogiversary

• 9:07 AM

Lucas Rant [B5 - 27 April 2005]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Whatever I may have thought of him when I was a teenager, it's obvious that George Lucas has become a hack. His genius is not in writing - it's in designing toys and marketing. Here's a post from a few years back that reacts to this saddening news.

*****
What the fuck? George Lucas had to force himself to write Episode III? He lacked "inspiration"?

What a crock of shit!

Listen, this is the middle part of a story that has already been told! There are no surprises here, none. We already know that Anakin is going to become Vader. We already know that Amidala is going to give birth to twins. We already know that Obi-Wan and Anakin are going to fight it out, probably above a volcano. We already know that Vader's going to hunt down the Jedi, and that Obi-Wan and Yoda will escape.

This movie should have practically written itself!

What, did Lucas need inspiration in how to fuck up everyone's childhood memories? Did he need inspiration in how to include stoopid CGI characters that nobody liked? Was he not "feeling it" in trying to figure out how to include characters like Han Solo, in order to make his galaxy seem as small as a rural country town?

...oh, don't get me wrong. I'll see it. I have to. It's a compulsion, like buying Cake CDs just so that you don't have an incomplete collection. Argh.

Labels: blogiversary

• 11:00 AM

New Diner! [B5 - 18 February 2007]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

New diners just don't appear out of nowhere, one day nothin', next day a little trailer, weathered and worn down. It just doesn't happen... except with a little help from some magicians, maybe.

*****
I carpool with Tracy and her mom every day, and our morning route goes down SW Naito Parkway.

Friday morning I saw a little diner under the Broadway Bridge. It looked old, like it had been there for years, and yet I didn't remember seeing it before. I don't want to bust out my "native Portlander" stories, but believe me, I've got native cred like you wouldn't believe, and for all the times I've been around that end of the Broadway, I didn't remember seeing that diner, called, apparently, "Bridge Diner".

Tracy and her mom were talking when we drove past, and I'm pretty much non-talk-y in the morning, so I didn't say anything at the time, which means I have no witnesses to verify that I noticed anything unusual Friday morning. And it promptly fell out of my head as the day went on, so I didn't google it or anything.

Until this morning, when I checked in on the Portland Mercury blog and saw a post about a movie that's being filmed in Portland, starring Sly Stallone and Diane Lane... and the fake diner they built under the Broadway Bridge for a set, and how it's all weathered and Portland-ized and how Diane Lane was in "Judge Dredd", which I clearly don't remember at all because that movie sucked.

Not that this will convince anyone, but I'm just happy I'm not crazy in that way - the way of "not remembering diners that have been there for years" way. Yay, me!

Labels: blogiversary

• 7:37 AM 0 comments

Skills [B5 - 5 November 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

I'm always amazed at the people I meet, and the stories they embody. Like this old guy I ran into at the bus stop one night. I don't think I ever met him again.

And I never did find out what skills he had or learned.

*****
I slipped into the bus shelter behind the old man, where it was dry. I bit into my apple, a juicy delicious Honeycrisp, sweet and mixed red and green in color. The old man, tall, white hair cut into near-invisibility in a buzz, barrel-chested and skinny-legged, looked like a football coach, his back to me as he watched for the bus. He jumped at the sound of my apple bite and looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, sorry," he said. "I didn't hear ya sneak up on me." His voice was kind and a bit sad, not accusing me so much as he was wistful. He picked up his bag, which had been sitting on the bench.

"No problem," I said. I was content to stand and try to finish my apple before the bus showed up.

He turned completely around. "You know," he said, "30 years ago, you wouldn't have been able to do that." He had a slight lisp, and it looked like his nose had been broken and reset oddly. His lip half-curled. "I've lost some skills since then." His eyes lowered and he stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets.

I wondered what he was remembering. Did he serve in the military? Or just have to spend a lot of time in places where one doesn't let their guard down? I smiled around a mouthful of apple. "I'm sure that you've gained some skills in that time, though, too."

"Oh, maybe so, maybe so," he conceded. "It's hard to know whether the gain has been worth it, though." He turned and looked down the street. "The bus'll be here in, oh, about two minutes."

"How true. We take what we get and do what we can with it." In the span of just a few minutes, I'd come to like this guy. I silently wished him luck.

It's an odd feeling, liking strangers. I'm not used to it, yet. And it may only be for today.

Labels: blogiversary

• 8:32 AM 0 comments

87.34% Snark-Free [B5 - 22 November 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

This week I'm especially thankful for my friends. I was going to re-post the following on Thanksgiving Day, because that's when I originally wrote it; but no. I'm going to re-post it now.

And I'm still thankful for everything on the list. And they're all still in my life. Well, except for Smacky. I hope he's chasing down his kill and feasting on the still-warm remains, out there, somewhere.

*****

• Thanks to my family for reminding me where I come from and for always feeling like "home".
  
• Thanks to my sister's in-laws for never even noticing that there's a distinction.
  
• Thanks to my friends for being the most honest, straight-forward, and ethical people I know. Plus, you're all hilarious. Have I mentioned that lately?
  
• Thanks to my coworkers for always trying to just fix it.
  
• Thanks to Smacky for being about as "cat" as anyone can be.
  
• Thanks to Apple for making such sexy sexy hardware and software.
  
• Thanks to my negative voice. Without you I wouldn't have a challenge to overcome.
  
• Thanks to the netroots for finally becoming a progressive, political force.
  
• Thanks to everyone who voted Democratic in the last election. I was so scared that... shudder... well, let's not think about that.
  
• Thanks to redheaded women, everywhere. Just thanks. Damn. Yes, even the crazy ones. Especially them.
  
• Thanks to Brooks running shoes for making the perfect shoes for my feet.
  
• Thanks to the framers of the Oregon Constitution for all the free speech protections. I appreciate and use them almost every day.
  
• Thanks to the New Atheists, like Daniel Dennett and Richard Dawkins and James Randi. It may take another 500 years but ours will be the majority view someday. Or we'll be dead and unable to care.
  
• Thanks to the Iron Horse, Maya's Tacqueria, Backspace, Twin Paradox, the Limelight, the Acropolis. It's not just the food that keeps me coming back, although that's excellent, too.
  
• Thanks to all my favorite living authors, too many to mention, but here's a few: Tim Powers, Bruce Sterling, Carl Hiaasen, Arthur Nersesian, Neil Gaiman... the list goes on and on and deserves it's own post, if not it's own site (but www.bookslut.com is already taken). You inspire me, amaze me, and fill me with envy and I would read every word you write. Fuck that - I would pay for every word you write.
  
• Thanks to God, for not existing or showing any evidence of ever having existed, in spite of everyone looking for You. You've got everyone fooled, and boy, is everyone going to feel silly when they realize You're not there. Then we'll all have a good laugh and finally get around to that whole "world peace and love" thing people have been promising for centuries.
  
• Last, but not least, thanks to each and every one of you who reads this, or anything else I've ever written. I do it for myself because I'm a selfish bastard, and I'm still amazed that anyone else even understands it, let alone enjoys it and wants more. I wouldn't stop even if I could.

...I'm sure I'm missing people. I'm sure there are people out there who would prefer a specific mention rather than being included in a broad category. I'm sure that I will think of much much better/funnier things to say immediately after clicking "Publish Post".

But I'm also sure that you'll understand. Happy Thanksgiving.

Labels: blogiversary

• 8:23 AM 0 comments

Creative Week Movie Inspiration [B5 - 27 February 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

By February 2006, I was stuck in a rut as far as blog posts went. I was mainly blogging about my running and diet. Big whoop. I mean, it was important for me to keep track of my exercise, and keeping a journal, online or whatever, was part of the process that kept me going and kept me honest. But it wasn't exactly electrifying reading.

And then, one rainy night, walking in my neighborhood, I ran across something new, and it sparked a little experiment that I called "Creative Week".

But first, I blogged the inspiration. Enjoy!

*****
Last night, after being out all day, I got home to discover that Smacky was out of food. He was visibly agitated about it. I decided to walk up to the grocery store to replenish his supply.

It was raining a little bit, but I didn't mind. Was bundled up warm.

When I got to SE Milwaukie and Bybee, there were trailers parked all down Milwaukie Ave., and tents and people with walkie-talkies and headsets. As I got closer, I saw little "No Parking" signs that indicated the reason for all this activity.

They were filming... something.

Since I had to go past it all to get to the store, I poked around. For a moment I thought they were filming in the Moreland Theater. But when I looked in the Limelight Restaurant next door, I saw a whole crowd of people, in chairs and standing up, all staring at a bunch of monitors, and at the bar next door was a yellow sign saying "Bar Closed - just for today". Looks like the bar was the set.

The parking lot of the Wells Fargo bank next door was packed with more trailers and tents, and one tent was marked "Extras". In the street was a little sign:

Sorry for the blurry pic. Camera phone.

I walked on up to my grocery store, bought a bag of cat food (almost NINE BUCKS for a 5 lb. bag! That seems expensive, but then, I guess that bag will last me a couple of months. I wish I could eat for that cheap. Except delicious food, not cat food). I asked the checker if she knew what was going on down the street. She shrugged. "I don't know... I heard, it was just a rumor, but I heard that Rebecca De Mornay was involved somehow."

"Really? That's cool!" I said.

She shrugged again. "It's just a rumor."

On my way out, I saw another grocery girl. "Do you know what movie is being filmed down there?"

Fumbling with a cigarrette, she shrugged. "I heard..." - she looked around as if someone might be listening in - "The Rock."

"The rock?"

"You know..." she said. "The Rock?" She was a tiny girl, shorter than me, but she indicated a giant of a man with her hands, smoke trailing from her now-lit cigarrette.

"Right. The wrestler. I gotcha." I headed back into the rain.

As I neared the bar set again, I spotted a guy hauling a box of stuff towards the base camp. "Hey," I stopped him, "What's going on?"

"It's a movie" he said, with a smile.

"Right. I kinda got that," I said. He was walking away. The box didn't look heavy but it did look bulky. "What's the movie?"

He turned around part way and spoke over his shoulder. "It's called 'The Music Within'. Go take a look. The set is just down there. It's kinda cool." He pointed down the street with his chin.

'Kinda cool'? He didn't sound like he worked with them... sounded like a fellow sightseer like me.

I looked around again, and made eye contact with the folks guarding the doors at the Limelight. I got nods of recognition in return, and smiles, but couldn't bring myself to talk to them again. They seemed so... busy.

After I passed all the activity, I called Tracy. After filling her in on the movie being filmed in my neighborhood, I asked her to look it up on IMDB to see who might be in it.

She found it listed, but didn't recognize the one star listed. A bit more googling but she couldn't find much more info on it.

But, you know... I had a cat to feed.

Labels: blogiversary

• 8:02 AM

Accidentally Eating [B5 - 9 February 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

With my struggle to control my eating habits, there's a phrase I use often that tries to encapsulate the helplessness I feel, but which really just serves to deflect any sense of agency I should feel.

That phrase is "accidentally ate". As in, "I accidentally ate an eggnog milkshake and it was delicious."

Here's the (short, but sweet (like chocolate cake)) post where I first used that phrase publicly.

*****
Suddenly there appeared left-over cake in the break room this afternoon. German chocolate cake, and a lemon cake. Several of us were in there accidentally eating some.

One lady commented, "Well, we don't want this to go to waste, do we?"

I replied, "Right. Eat up! There's people starving in Gitmo, after all!"

Labels: blogiversary

• 7:44 AM 0 comments

Soup Rant [B5 - 24 March 2005]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Anger is funny. At least that's what my friends tell me. So when I go off on a rant, about something as simple as trying to find a bowl of soup, it produces something that makes my friends laugh, even as I'm seething in thwarted anger.

Which, now that I think about it, makes me laugh, too. Eventually. Everybody wins!

*****
I've spent the past half-week fighting off that stupid cold virus that's been beating up my co-workers and friends ("that's a pretty big virus") and it's taking its toll.

My days have consisted of work and sleep, with intermittent periods of eating and the occassional email exchange with friends. Lots and lots of sleeping. In fact, I've spent more time asleep since Sunday than I have at work. No, I'm not sleeping at work, although a couple of floors down in the building where I work is a little room with a cot and an alarm clock that's expressly there for the purpose of taking a quick nap at work if necessary (I love the county sometimes).

I haven't been running, either, because running lowers the immune system or something and I want to fight this crappy giant cold virus (I picture it being much like a red-orange-yellow beach ball, with spikes) so I can get back to running and breathing and enjoying things like coherent thought and not blowing my nose and such.

The world takes advantage of my confused, doped-up-on-over-the-counter-medication state by dangling things that might relieve this misery a tiny bit and then sliming it in gelatinous oozing confusion. I wanted some soup for lunch. Soup. Simple hot liquid with something tasty in it. Kinda hard to find downtown, but I walked past this sandwich place I've been meaning to try and, sure enough, on a little sandwich (ha-ha) board out on the sidewalk they list their "specials":

Grilled: Roast Beef, cheddar, roasted red pepper, red onions, blah, blah, I'm losing focus here... Soup: Black Bean

Coolio! Soup and a sandwich. I walk in. To my doom.

I see that they have two"soup and sandwich" items on the menu: both of them have a 12 oz. soup, but one is a "half" and one is a "whole". Obvious first question: How big is a half? I ask the counter girl that, and she pauses.

"Uh... well" she hems and haws, making vague size motions with her hands "it's, uh, half of a whole sandwich..."

A bespectacled boy with a blonde soul patch pokes his head out from behind an oak wall, holding a loaf of bread in his hands, muttering something that may have seemed, to him and the counter girl, to be an answer to my question. Already confused, I decide to order a "whole" and hope I don't get a "whole" loaf of bread. I guess I could save it for dinner. They'd better not charge me more than the menu's stated price of $8.25, though.

"OK, I'll take your roast beef and black bean special." I state this as decisively as the phlegm in my throat allows.

Again, counter girl looks lost. "Um... well, you'll have to" she hands me a little clipboard with a chart full of options on it "fill this out."

"I can't just order the special?"

"You can customize it however you want." She replies. I step aside to study my options, getting a bit frustrated.

Roast Beef wasn't even an option on the menu. A sign hanging over the register explains that if I want Roast Beef or Pastrami that I'll have to write it in, and apologizes for the menus being confusing. Yay. Some validation. Yes, yes, I am confused.

I manage to fill out their devilish form with only a couple of mistakes. I accidentally checked an option that made the counter girl think I wanted the "Kid's brown bag" special, when instead I wanted the "whole sandwich and soup" special. I also marked "Orange" on one part and "apple" on another for my choice of fruit, but I did that on purpose to highlight how confusing the menu was. Either I was too subtle or not subtle enough because it went right over countergirl's head.

I probably won't go back, even though the soup was pretty good. The sandwich was average and the oatmeal-chocolate-chip cookie was kinda thin. And, no, I didn't get a whole loaf sandwich, either, so the value... not so good.

I just wanted some soup, dammit.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:41 AM

Beginning TV Addiction [B5 - 8 February 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

In reference to my recent post mentioning my TV addiction (which I am trying to break, or at least modify), here's the post where I admit that I gave in to social pressure to start watching "Lost", along with the rest of America.

*****
Note: This post contains no spoilers for "Lost".

My friend Ken * has been a fan of "Lost" since the beginning. Every Thursday morning after a new episode, he would come to work, sit down, and start out to tell me about the cool things on the show, and then realize that I don't watch teevee. He would then proceed to pity me and belittle me, because "Lost" was not just some dumb sitcom. It was special.

I resisted watching the show for several reasons. First, probably just because of my contrarian nature - if it was popular, how could the show be any good? I did relent once during the first season, figuring if someone cool like Ken liked it, maybe it had some redeeming qualities. However, the show I ended up watching, while interesting character-heavy drama, didn't have enough of the "Lost" mythology to project its appeal to me, and I stopped watching. I remember Ken's disappointment the next day. "Yeah," he admitted, "that wasn't the best first episode to watch."

Then, as Season Two approached, Ken began obsessing even more, joining online forums and discussing the show. I was a bit more intrigued, and when Ken bought the Season One DVD set and offerred to let me borrow it, I relented once again.

So for a couple of weeks I made my way through the DVDs, and I got a little more hooked. The mythology of the show was interesting, but more interesting to me was the characters. Seeing their backgrounds in flashbacks, compared with their current actions on the island, and watching as they developed the characters over the course of a season made me glad to have been there when all this long-form television got started. "Babylon 5", "The X-Files", "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"... I've done this before. I like the greater depth one gets for characters and situations when they're not resolved and wrapped up neatly in 60 minutes (42 if you subtract commercials). Ken hadn't ever gotten into those previous shows (he was off serving his country in the Air Force during most of the 90s) so I saw why "Lost" would feel so new and fresh to him.

And, honestly, the writing on the show was very good. I liked it.

So much so that, weekend after last, when I was done with the Season One DVDs, with the prospect of new episodes being aired, I did something that, until this point, I had never done before: I spent money at the iTunes Music Store. I bought the first two episodes of Season Two for "Lost". It was the weekend, and I knew that several others I worked with were sufficiently geeky to both watch "Lost" and save it in some digital form, so I could probably find the other episodes for free... but, what the hell, I have a 5th Generation iPod capable of playing video **, so why not?

I bought and watched those two episodes, asked around at work the next Monday, waited another day, didn't hear back, and that night splurged and bought the rest of the season. Total of 12 episodes so far.

It worked pretty well, although they take up quite a bit of space and I'll be sure to remove them when I'm done. The screen on my iPod is actually slightly larger than my actual teevee set when I hold it at a comfortable viewing distance. Y'know... visually. So I'm not losing much by watching "Lost" on my device. Plus, it's good to know that one more capability of my gadget is being actually used.

And using the iTMS is also good. But there was one episode that wouldn't download. The 7th episode of the season. I kept getting my favorite ironical computer-type-error, the "unknown error", after the little progress bar crept its way across the screen the entire way. Argh.

And I couldn't watch these episodes out of order. That's just not right.

I figured that in this instance, since I've been all legal 'n' stuff and paid for the privelege of viewing it, that I could justify finding a quasi-legal copy on the internets. And I did, eventually, find one, even one that had already been pre-formatted for my iPod. And it took fourteen hours to download via BitTorrent. Glacially slow. I started it at night, and by the time I had to leave for work in the morning, it hadn't finished.

While waiting for the quasi-legal copy to download, though, I fired off an angry email to Apple about their failure to satisfy my need for instant gratification. I outlined all the things I'd tried and carefully provided the text of their irritatingly-vague error message and asked them to fix it.

I was losing valuable time - a new episode was coming soon, and I had to catch up. I still had 6 episodes to watch and less and less time to do it. The following day after work, I got home and found that both the legal download worked, and the quasi-legal download had (finally!) finished. Argh. More frustration, but no time for that. I had "Lost" to watch.

Yeah. I'll admit it. I've become hooked on the show. Ken was right. It is the coolest. Ken also likes being the superior one who has already hashed out much speculation and observations about the island and the people on it... but that's OK.

In the meantime, I got an email from Apple, apologizing for my inconvenience, and explaining that they are crediting me the cost of that download and giving me 5 free downloads at the iTMS. Yay! Now I can enter their "Billionth Song Download" contest without spending any money!

When I win, all my friends get iPods. Just sayin'.


* Yes, I'm linking to his site even though he hasn't updated since September just because I can and because I'm trying to shame him into updating again.

** I know I haven't blobbed about upgrading my older one but it's an embarassing story involving me dropping my old one, the one with the Radiohead lyric on the back, into the toilet so you can understand my reticence. Just go with me, here.

Labels: blogiversary

• 7:32 PM 0 comments

Laissez les bons temps roulez! [B5 - 8 November 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Helping the Democrats take control of both houses of Congress, with all the hope in having someone finally oppose the toxic Bush Administration, felt very good. And one of the early victories of that effort was seeing Donald Rumsfeld step down as the Secretary of Defense. Buh-bye.

*****
Bye, Rumsfeld!

The Donald becomes the first recipient of Lunar Obverse's "Yellow Undies" award. I hope (oh, how I hope!) that there will be many, many more.

Don't let an IED hit your ass on the way out!

And, sadly, Bush had to reverse himself, after defending Rumsfeld time and again. But when the Army Times, Navy Times, Marine Times and Air Force Times newspapers all join in calling for the Defense Secretary's resignation, truly... it's time to go.

Wait, did I say "sadly"? Sorry, it's hard to read what I'm saying while I'm wearing this huge grin on my face.

I hope our president likes the taste of crow...

Good news comes in threes, they say. But I've lost count of all the good news for our country that I've heard in the last 24 hours. Still, if there's more to come, I'm so ready for it.

Truly, this is the best day of my political life.

Labels: blogiversary

• 7:01 AM

Shifting Perspective [B5 - 22 November 2006]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

I'm single. I know, hard to believe, huh? But I date. And, more than that, I'm mystified and confused and in wonderment about the opposite sex (which would be the female gender, for those of you not keeping score at home).

And I think that pondering said mysteries, confuzlements, and wonderments has led to some of my best posts. Like this one.

*****
Walking in to work one morning with Tracy, another group of employees were heading out. One of them is a lady I'll call H. H and her co-workers were in charge of a county work group - people working off minor crimes and misdemeanors through community service work. As such, H was dressed in grungy work clothes; baggy jeans, old boots, a sweater, down vest, hair tucked up under a baseball cap, everything looking worn out and dirty from use.

I'd talked to her before on a normal, "I'm here to fix your computer" basis, but before she started with the work crews, so I was used to her wearing business casual clothing, very conservative business casual clothing. In fact, H struck me as conservative in personality, friendly but mostly quiet and polite and practical.

Even that morning, seeing her in completely different clothes, after I had the shock of recognition, I didn't see her as anything other than a co-worker whose computer I'd fixed from time to time. She recognized me and said "Oh, hi, Brian" and I said good morning back to her.

Tracy asked me about her, later, and after my memory had been jogged (it was eight hours later when Tracy had asked) I told her.

Tracy mentioned that H, even in no makeup, struck her as very beautiful. Tracy mentioned a resemblance to Jennifer Garner.

I gave Tracy a look, because, as I said above, I had never seen that in H at all. H was older than Ms. Garner, for one reason, and there's a mental space that movie stars occupy that's separate from the space everyday people occupy, which is why it's difficult sometimes to recognize a star encountered unexpectedly on the street (have I ever told you the story about flirting with Heather Locklear?) As Tracy's thought percolated my mind, however, I could feel my perspective shifting a little bit. Remembering H in the previous setting and clothing I knew her from, I joked, "She could probably pull off the 'sexy librarian' look!" Tracy agreed whole-heartedly. But eventually I shrugged it off.

The next night I had a dream about H. An intimate one. It startled me. I laughed about it the next day with Tracy, who offered me a high-five in return.

"Right! ON!" she said.

Later that day, I was leaving the county motor pool and I saw H again. She was crossing the street heading in to the parking lot. She was dressed similarly (or exactly; the clothes are so generic I couldn't tell the difference). As she walked, her back to me, I noticed that her hair, even though it was pulled through the back of the baseball cap and held with a Scunci... it was very long, hanging down to her backside (hidden, dammit, in the oversized jeans). Again, I felt the contradictory mental images of her clashing, in this case several images: H in make-up and glamorous Hollywood clothes (like Jennifer Garner); H in generic business casual clothes (the librarian before she lets down her hair and takes off her jacket that hides her curves); H in glasses, a white blouse, and short skirt, hair flying wildly (sexy librarian post-revelation); and H as I saw her before me, in dirty grungy baggy work clothes, but with her hair falling down her back.

Trying to reconcile all these images, I nearly rear-ended a Porsche Boxster S. While driving a county car.

Damn.

A shifting perspective is a wonderful thing to experience. Even if nothing comes of it, I'm going to remember that moment when my consciousness changed how I looked at someone else. I live for those moments; they are as special to me as moments of epiphany are to a spiritual or religious person.

So much of what we see is filtered through our expectations. Change your expectations and you can literally change how you see the world.

In this case, you can learn to see a hidden beauty you had never before noticed. The value of that shift is incalculable.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:56 AM 0 comments

Flavor-Ade [B5 - 23 August 2005]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

From the Department of Corrections: sometimes, I just want to correct what I see as a grave error on other people's part. I present this small correction, again, since it didn't seem to take effect quite as strongly as I'd hoped previously.

*****
I know it's probably pedantic, and too late to change this particular meme, but here goes my tiny little attempt.

It's come up at work a couple of times recently, so I wanted to point out that what was served by Jim Jones to his followers was not Kool-Aid.

It was Flavor-Aid. OK?

People who are blindly following the orders of a charismatic cult leader are drinking the Flavor-Aid. Got it? Are we clear?

And, no, Kraft Foods did not pay me to make this statement.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:41 AM

All I needed to know [B5 - 7 September 2007]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

From just over a year ago, when Barack Obama was not the favored candidate running for the Democratic nomination for President, comes this post. I attended then-Sen. Obama's stump speech in Portland, with the hope that he would talk about the one major issue on every American's mind at the time: the foolish and illegal Iraq War. That was, at the time, all I needed to know.

The fact that now-President-Elect Obama won both the nomination and the White House is, I believe, because he did, eventually, begin talking about the war.

*****
Barrack Obama gives a good speech. He spoke passionately about all the good things he'd do once he's President.

But not one word about the most important issue in America right now.

Not one word about what he can do, right now, to end the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Not one word about accountability for the men who lied us into a war.

Not one word from a leading voice of the majority party in both houses of the People's Congress.

Apparently Congress is powerless these days. The message from the junior Senator from Illinois is that we need a good king, not the bad king we have now.

Yes, a good king would be nice. But what about all those "checks and balances" that the founding fathers put into the Constitution? I'd really like to hear more about those. That's not Senator Obama's message tonight.

And that's all I needed to hear. I'm glad I went tonight.

Labels: blogiversary

• 7:06 AM

Katrina [B5 - 31 August 2005]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites.

New Orleans is one of my favorite cities in the world, at least among those I've visited.

And allowing it to be destroyed marks the point when the majority of Americans began to see that President Bush was not a competent or compassionate president.

My thoughts on the matter, shortly after it occurred, follow below.

*****
I know I'm late with this, but I can't let the event pass without some small comment.

New Orleans was my favorite city in the whole world, at least of the few places I've actually been. And now, it seems, it will have to live on in my memory. Partying, drinking, eating the most amazing food, the local color and history and architecture. Of all the cities I would have liked to retire in, to sit in the shade, drinking and writing and people-watching...

Mark Twain, Tennessee Williams, Andy Jackson and Jean Lafitte, Delphine LaLaurie, Marie Laveau... The Garden District, the French Quarter, Storyville... Preservation Hall and Café du Monde...

Katrina has all but wiped it from the face of the Earth.

The sewage, the toxic chemicals from the refineries and industrial ports, the dead bodies being exhumed from the Big Easy's unique above-ground gravesites and floating down streets-turned-canals... It's going to be uninhabitable for a long time to come.

My thoughts go out to all the victims of Katrina.

And... the economic devastation is going to be rather harsh, too. The Port of Southern Louisiana is one of the five largest ports in the world, and the largest port (by volume) in the United States, larger than New York, larger than Los Angeles. Not only does New Orleans handle oil imports, but it handles food and timber exports to the rest of the world.

We haven't even begun to feel the effects of this natural disaster.

Labels: blogiversary

• 6:32 AM 0 comments

Kate [B5 - 23 April 2005]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Even now, three years later, people searching for "Kate Beckinsale" end up at my little corner of the internet.

Mostly for the picture in the following post. Although the story about the masturbating rabbit is my first mention of her - but no picture. My readers enjoy visual stimulus, I suppose.

*****
Joss Whedon is helming a remake of Wonder Woman?

There's some bogus MTV "poll" on who Joss should cast that has its results rigged to give one of three answers: Catharine Zeta Jones, Angelina Jolie, Queen Latifah (pardon me for being non-PC but WTF?!) and "unknown actress". No, I'm not gonna link to the poll; I already said it was bogus.

What a lot of people don't realize is that the creator of Wonder Woman, Dr. William Moulton Marston writing under the pseudonym of Charles Moulton, was, well, into bondage and submission -- which is why in every single comic he wrote, Wonder Woman ended up being bound somehow. And loving it. Often, other women and men were bound up somehow, too; the most obvious way being with Wonder Woman's golden lasso.

Dr. Marston was a fascinating character. Inventor of the pseudo-scientific "lie detector", a feminist theorist, and apparently happily polygamous, fathering and raising two children with two different women. He claimed to have created Wonder Woman in an effort to get boys to enjoy being bound and dominated by women:

"Wonder Woman satisfies the subconscious, elaborately disguised desire of males to be mastered by a woman who loves them."

But, apparently, the woman-dominated society Dr. Marston attempted to create by means of comic books did not come to fruition. Even the sight of Halle Berry in a leather dominatrix outfit with a whip didn't save the truly awful "Catwoman" from dying a horrible box office death, f'rinstance.

So casting Wonder Woman, a modern one, at least, is a tricky proposition. Sure, the obvious choice is Angelina Jolie, but, well, in my opinion she's a little too into the whole B/D thing. Not that that wouldn't be fun, mind you.

There's lots of non-obvious choices, or should I say, less obvious choices. But for me, there's really only one actress on my personal list of "wouldn't mind being tied up by".

My vote? I'd write in Kate Beckinsale:

Rawr

...I'm sorry. What were we talking about? Oh, right, Wonder Woman. Yeah, OK, Kate looks better in black leather/spandex/vinyl, I suppose, than the bright red-and-gold of a Wonder Woman costume. I just lost my mind there for a second.

...c'mon, you can't tell me you didn't see that one coming?

Labels: blogiversary

• 10:20 AM 0 comments

Obviously crazy people [B5 - 14 October 2005]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Maybe I'm repressed but I don't like to socially interact with people when I'm eliminating waste from my body.

*****
First rule of men's rooms: men don't talk to each other, or acknowledge each other, unless they're on equal footing. And even then, the topics of conversation are quite limited. And really, only at a urinal. If someone's in a stall they might as well not be there.

I'm at the gym, in a stall (see above), and a guy gets in the stall next to me. Loudly calls out something that just doesn't register with me. Because I'm in a stall. I'm invisible, or should be.

He repeats it, and I make out his words: "Hey, do you know when the Notre Dame game is on tonight?"

It takes me several minutes to process, as I wait for his buddy or whoever to respond. When no one does, it dawns on me that HE'S TALKING TO ME.

"No, sorry. I have no idea." Is this appropriate conversation for strangers that are supposed to be invisible to each other? Is this guy crazy? Wait, sorry, all humans are crazy, so of course the answer is yes, but it's the wrong question. Is he one of the obviously crazy people? Evidence is collecting, and signs are starting to point to "yes, yes he is, get out now."

"That is going to be the game" he continues. I fall silent, because, well, there's really no response to this, for all the reasons I stated above, plus the fact that I simply don't care about college football.

We both fall silent for a bit. Then I hear ringtones, ringtones that are playing Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer".

And the guy answers the phone.

More evidence.

He chats with the caller, while sitting on the pot. I'm even more stunned, but also... I'm thinking I should flush the toilet or make some noises in an effort to call attention to the guy's location. Y'know, to alert whoever is stupid enough to chat with this obviously crazy person that he's obviously crazy.

The guy tries again to find out when this Notre Dame game is, and from the one side of the conversation that I can't avoid hearing it's clear that this game is not taking place tonight, or at least the person on the other end believes that adamantly. The guy is not entirely convinced, but then tries to get the person he's talking to to go to Montana with him next week. The dangers of being alone in the vast open spaces of Montana with this insanely unsocialized man are apparent, though, and the other person declines. The conversation ends.

My services in noisemaking turned out not to be needed. The other person is safe for the moment. I am still in inadvertent contact with this guy. And the final piece of evidence is revealed.

Because the guy starts muttering under his breath.

It's a Popeye kind of muttering, where I can't make out all the words. It's practically Tourette's Syndrome muttering (Tourette's is not always curse words; sometimes it's just pre-verbal sounds, or even tics and gestures, at least that's my understanding), but one word in about 5 or 6 floats out; I make out "dingbat" and "dickhead" mixed in with the inarticulate grunts and chuckles. I see that he stands up, all the while muttering, and finally he breaks into a bit of sing-song muttering, with a rhythm, or at least a cadence. And then, he's gone.

Labels: blogiversary

• 3:32 PM 0 comments

My colorful neighborhood [B5 - 25 May 2004]

For the 30 days following this blog's five-year anniversary, I am reposting some favorite, popular, or unique posts. Feel free to contact me to suggest some of your favorites. If you'd like to comment, click through to the original post.

Another topic that comes up often when I write is the many different people around me. I'm a writerly sort - maybe you've noticed? - and I like to try to capture the uniqueness of humanity. Sometimes I'm doing it from what I hope is a detatched, neutral viewpoint.

And sometimes I'm consciously doing it from my own, biased, flawed viewpoint, with all that that entails.

Here's my first post about a neighbor that I still have around, even four years later, even after my brilliant plan to escape him.

*****
OK, ignore my previous post. I thought of something to write about.

My current apartment is in a good neighborhood and I've been there for years so even though the rent has increased some it's still pretty cheap. Certainly cheaper than I could find a 1 bedroom/1 bath apartment in Sellwood for if I was looking right now. I'm right on a bus line (important when you're economically opposed to automobile ownership) and close to a couple of other bus lines. I've got a washer/dryer hookup in my apartment (bonus!) and I can walk to the grocery store. Lots of plusses.

But... I hate my neighbors. I've got this guy living next to me who has been a nuisance for years. When he moved in, the building was operated by a very bad manager, and my neighbor would always try to get me to contact the manager to complain; the old "let's you and him fight" technique.

My neighbor is chronically unemployed and so finds he has lots of time to sit around drinking beer and trying to strike up conversations with passers-by. My apartment is on the second story, and to get to it there is only one stair that leads to the walkway all three apartments share. I consider the stairway to be a common area, but my neighbor considers it his living room. He'll sit there at the end of the day, smoking, drinking, cussing, laughing... and because of the layout this is directly underneath my living room window. Not to mention the fact that I have to step around him and his cronies on the stairs to get to my front door. I dread going home and finding him there, which happens a lot. When I'm home I tend to leave the curtains drawn and windows closed to keep out his obnoxious laugh and the cigarrette smoke.

But that's not the worst part. Because of all his drinking, my neighbor often ends up sick and hungover in the morning. He seems, though, to make it to the bathroom before becoming violently ill. I know this because his bathroom is right next to my bedroom. Several times a week I am awakened by the sound of my neighbor tossing his cookies into the porcelain throne. Thin walls do not mute this much at all. Joy. The mornings he's not sick, he's coughing and hacking due to his smoking habit...

I find all this oppressive. But I've not done much about it. I know, I know, I should be less passive. I've mainly used this as an excuse not to be home much, which does seem to help my social life.

But I have an opportunity. There are two, 2 bedroom apartments downstairs from me, and the one on the other side of the building from me is open. I would no longer have to step around him to get to my home. I would no longer have to be awakened by the sound of chunky liquid splashing into a bowl, or his hacking cough. And I would still live in the same neighborhood and still have the W/D hookup and all the other things I like about my current apartment. My rent would only go up $100/month, which, if I look at what I would gain (a less oppressive living space) seems very much worth it. I mentioned the possibility of moving to my landlord and now he's waiting for me to give him a yea or a nay.

However... once again my mind refuses to stay in context. Instead of evaluating the two tangible choices, a voice in my head whispers of other, fictional choices. I've started browsing the classifieds, and for around $600 I could move to any number of other places in several cool neighborhoods: downtown, close-in SE, Hawthorne, or the Lloyd Center area. I could move somewhere that had DSL (I'm currently on cable modem, which, for technical reasons involving me wanting to share my bandwidth is less than useful (there's probably a whole 'nother post in that topic alone.)) I could gain hardwood floors or bay windows or a great view or sexy next-door neighbors... the mind boggles.

I talked to my sister, and she suggested that for the same money I'm talking about in rent, I could be making a payment on a condo. Be an "owner" not a "renter". Get some equity. However, my sister thinks of money much differently than me, and I suspect that even though what she says is technically true ("your mortgage payment wouldn't be more than $600/month, including taxes"), there would still be lots of hidden costs and fees that would make that choice more expensive, both short-term and in the long run. Also, the places I would have to live are not really my favorite neighborhoods: Tigard, Clackamas... basically the 'burbs. Bleh. I'm a downtown kind of guy. I need to be in SE or downtown. Gotta stick with what I know and love.

So, in the end, those "other" choices are all mythical. I should really decide based on just the two current choices and not introduce extraneous possibilities...

I'm going to move downstairs for now, and keep my eyes open for something better.

Labels: blogiversary

• 10:44 AM 0 comments