Two strippers

Her head hung over the edge of the bar, dangling upside down between my friend and I, her long dark brown hair fanned out as a curtain towards the floor, while her naked body stretched away from us towards the stage. Her legs made a V that framed the far side of the stage.

Another night at the Acropolis.

The dancer, N., had been telling us how excited she was to be leaving Portland and going back to Las Vegas to do a photo shoot and enjoy the warmer weather.

“Are you going to work the Spearmint Rhino?1” my friend asked.

N. turned to look at me, her face expressing disbelief, then back at my friend. I laughed at her expression. N. gracefully lowered her legs and pivoted up and off the stage back to a standing position and moved towards the pole in the middle of the stage.

My friend looked confused. “What’d I say?”

I said to my friend, “You have to realize that the best clubs for guys are not necessarily the best clubs for dancers.”

N. heard my explanation and returned to us (we were the only guys at the rack; it was early in the evening). “See? Right? He gets it!” she pointed at me. “I don’t want to work at some place where you have to grind. I’m just not that into…” her voice trailed off.

N. was an older dancer, meaning she appeared to me to be in her mid to late 30s. She was tall (hard to tell exactly, because of her 8 inch clear plastic heels) and tanned and thin with a magnificent pair of well-done but enhanced breasts. Her face was plain, but lit up when she smiled in spite of needing some dental work. When I had first approached the stage I wasn’t sure how attractive I thought she might be; my philosophy in strip clubs is, if I don’t think the current dancer is my type, to just pass until the next one. But my friend had approached the stage as if drawn, and I went with him.

But the more we talked, the more interesting I thought she became. It was as clear a distinction between physical beauty and charisma as I could think of. I was impressed and now understood why N. was clearly a successful professional stripper.

The three of us continued to discuss various types of strip clubs and eventually segued into strippers who actually want to have sex with a celebrity and keep the baby (have you heard the story about the star of LOST and the exotic dancer from Bend?), while my friend and I tossed dollar bills on the bar.

And then N. finished her set, and K. took the stage.

Where K. was clearly younger than N., but just as thin. K. had not spent any money on medical upgrades that I could see. Where N.’s hair was long and straight, K’s hair was short and wavy.

And in spite of her newness to the “industry”, which I admit is pure speculation on my part, she had already done a photoshoot for Hustler.

She was dancing for us, when her attention was caught by something on the far side of the bar. She stopped, covered her naked breasts, and walked away from us. “This is a no-cellphone zone, sir,” she said, putting as much venom into the honorific as she could muster. Which was quite a bit. The guy she was talking to had an iPhone out, and was holding it up, camera lens towards the stage, while staring at the screen facing him. K. had a back and forth with him until he relented and put the camera away.

The pair of bouncers, stationed at the door, never looked up or moved from their seats.

When K. returned to us, she said, “You can’t take pictures in here.”

My friend laughed. “It’s been so long since I’ve been in a strip club, I didn’t even realize that you’d have to ban cell phones in here!”

K. nodded. “Yeah. Not that I care that much. I mean, I’ve got a spread in Hustler coming out. If someone wants to shoot a camera phone picture of me, that’s a hundred bucks. No sweat.” She laughed.

“Really? Hustler?” I asked. “How’d that happen?”

“A friend of mine set it up for me. She’s got connections in the porn industry.” I wondered at the euphemism once again; how “industrial” was dancing naked or having sex on camera?

Just another night at the Acropolis.


1 Careful – that site has auto-playing music.

The real spoilers

I’m not the spoiler for talking about LOST around people who aren’t caught up.

No, the real spoilers are the folks who aren’t yet caught up who hang around when I want to talk about last night’s episode with my friend who is equally obsessed with me, preventing me from discussing all the many revelations and implications and making us talk in vagaries: You’re the real spoiler, sir!

He’s spoiling my fun!

It’s always fun

It’s always fun when the old guy who sits on the bus mall and yells about how the God Who created us all full of sin wants us to accept His love and forgiveness for the sin He created us with, gets into a shouting match with a crazy street lady who just wants him to shut the Hell up.

Yeah. Good times. Good times that never end.

A thought about our bodies

As I drank my coffee this morning, a thought arose. I was pouring liquid into a bag of liquid. More than that: my body is made up of cells, which are, themselves, tiny bags of fluid.

Even our bones, which seem pretty solid to us, and are the structure that everything hangs off of, are made of cells.

We’re bags of fluid made up of bags of fluid.

So what holds it all together?

Or maybe I need more sleep.

So now I have a plastic tooth

I had my temporary crown put in yesterday. It was only going to be a partial crown, or “onlay”, but when Dr. Jill saw the extent of the crack I’ve been living with for the past two weeks, she decided that it needed the full crown treatment.

First step was to take an impression to build the crown from, and “prep” the tooth. Prepping means using a drill and grinding down the tooth into a smooth nub, onto which the crown will be placed.

While the crown is being made, a process that takes 3 weeks and consists of fabricating a gold-and-porcelain replica of my old tooth, I wear a temporary crown made of acrylic.

Or plastic, if you will.

Since leaving the dentist yesterday, as the massive amount of anaesthetic slowly wore off, I’ve been feeling the replacement. You know that feeling, that there’s something new in your mouth, and it’s odd and out of place? That’s what I feel. I keep biting down on it, then remembering that I’m supposed to baby it, because it’s only plastic.

This morning it felt “smaller”, meaning I’m noticing it less. But it’s still there. And it occurred to me: it’s just like the classic “plastic tooth” spy story cliche!

I hope Dr. Jill didn’t include cyanide. That’d be awkward

No coffee morning

Because I was lazy, I was early for work today.

I was lazy yesterday and did not wash my coffee pot. So when I got up this morning at my normal time, the time that gives me time to make coffee and make breakfast and do a little surfing before work, I could not make coffee.

Instead I showered and shaved and got dressed early. Then I was still hungry, so I headed out to a coffee shop to get some coffee and wake up.

Having done that, I took the bus to work. Where I was early.

Because I was lazy.

Michael Emerson is confused

Caution: the clip below, from “The Soup”, contains a spoiler for last week’s episode of 24, which I do not watch nor care about, but is a set-up for Michael Emerson to riff on themes of LOST.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRJvaQuCh5c&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999&hd=1]

And it made me laugh. Out loud.

An observation

As the amount of TV shows and motion pictures I watch increases, the amount of blogging I do decreases.

I hope that this is just a fall/winter phenomenon, and that as the days grow longer once again, I’ll spend more time outside and away from the glowing small screen.

I’m sure I must have an opinion on something

Saturday of a three-day weekend, the third day of which I have been granted a paid non-work day due to the American penchant for honoring elected leaders as if they were gods.

I’ve eaten breakfast; thick sliced applewood smoked bacon, nine-grain whole wheat bread without any high fructose corn syrup slathered in real organic butter and the preserved fruits of the marionberry vine, and farm-friendly organically grown coffee beans, blended half-and-half with decaffeinated beans and beans meant for use in espresso, but ground and brewed in a drip machine, flavored with low fat vanilla soy milk and raw sugar.

I’m listening to Lady GaGa sing about being Starstruck while I sit here at my desk. I can raise my head to my right and look out the window, and see the occasional runner trudge by dressed most often in dark-colored form-fitting synthetic fabrics from neck to ankle as protection against the rain and cold. When I hit the F12 button on my keyboard, a transparent overlay falls over my screen and displays, among other things, a widget that tells me it’s 47ยบ Fahrenheit in my zip code.

I take a sip of my decaffeinated and flavored coffee. Yeah. Saturday.