Checked out

I’m so unmotivated.

If you looked up “unmotivated” in the dictionary, you’d find a placeholder that said “Brian didn’t even bother to submit a picture for this entry. Why bother?”

Kiss close

I finally watched the latest episode of “The Pickup Artist” (my latest guilty pleasure) last night.

This week’s lesson was kissing.

Mystery actually brought in two female friends for the guys to practice with.

Now that’s quality teevee.

Finding the key

I walked through the lobby of the Mission Theater. I was leaving, probably not for the last time, but for the last time watching Firefly at the Mission… or at least the last TV episode. One more night, a week from now, to watch the capstone, “Serenity”.

My first night here, I felt alone and lonely. Tonight, I felt the warmth of new friendships, but still lonely. Would I see these new friends after this was all done? I know I would try, and I know from experience that trying isn’t always enough.

I heard low music and I looked at the boy in black lounging on the stairs. “Are you humming the theme song?” I asked.

He looked surprised, like he hadn’t realized it. “I am!”

I laughed, and opened the doors into the street. More fans, people with whom I shared one good thing, standing, talking. The non-iPhone girl, was she here? I didn’t see her, until I looked across the street, and saw her running away, with a friend. I knew I should have seized the moment when I had it.

Is that all we get? Moments in time, brief sparks of happiness, or potential happiness, and if we can’t grab hold they slip away. It feels like it, walking back to my car, having said my goodbyes to my new friends, “until next week”.

I keep looking for the key, the one thing, the secret that’s going to unlock the universe and lay bare and naked all the mysteries I’ve been observer to for over four decades. What’s the secret? Is it to take every opportunity? How likely is that? Most times I don’t even know it’s an opportunity until after the fact, after it’s gone.

I drive my rented car home, and when I see the neon lights and the blue-and-white striped building, I pull into the parking lot, narrowly missing being hit by a stretch Hummer limo pulling away. I walk in, and it’s dead. The strippers are lounging on the bars, talking to the customers. There’s not enough money for booty-shaking. I spot Sharai, chewing gum, talking to some kid. Even though I can feel my body still processing the beer I shared at the Mission, I order another one, get a pile of one dollar bills, as if I’m going to stay even longer.

I can tell I’m not going to stay long, though.

The scruffy chubby guys are flirting with the beautiful nearly-naked women. The waitresses are joking with the bouncers. I approach the bar where Sharai sits, bored, both of us bored and looking for something new.

I toss some money. She comes by to trade her attention and looks for my cash. I joke about being sad for the end of Firefly, but the joke is that I really am sad. She nods, not really caring. But it’s not her job to care. I’m the one that’s passionate about finding something sharp to pierce the membrane of lassitude and bring something new to my life.

Sometimes, when the door closes, it just closes and you’re left standing there. No new door opens. No windows give a new view.

Sharai ends her set and leaves to sit with another girl who’d been there before me. Loyalty like that should be rewarded. I bid her no ill will but I still feel sad and lonely. I don’t have the energy to push my way in and join them.

I look around the club and see very little energy among my fellow travelers. A lazy dance on the stage, same old moves. A tired pull of the beer tap. A customer barely receiving a perfunctory lap dance. Bouncers at the door, nearly asleep.

I set my beer down, half-finished, and walk out to my car. Nothing new here. It feels like another ending. I don’t have the means to make it all fun right now, might as well end my day.

Maybe my search for the key is doomed to failure because there is no key. There’s no one thing that’s going to make every situation work. I have energy when I do something different, and maybe something that works one time isn’t going to work again the next time, because each situation is more different than it is the same, and differences are the key. Novelty is the key. Chaos is the key. Anarchy, zigging when most folk zag. Do something different.

Is leaving different? It feels like I’m always leaving but that might just be in my head. It can’t always be ending because I’m still here. I haven’t finished yet.

I walk in the dark apartment.

I’m the only living boy in Sellwood tonight.

I don’t even turn on the light. I know where everything is. I can see the soft fade-in and -out of the white light of my laptop.

I push the “any” key and the screen lights up. I check my email. Yay, a post from Christi. And… what’s this?

An email? A response? I sent a reply to a Craigslist ad days ago, and gave up hope of hearing back. I’m tired of sending out replies, like sending out resumes that never become interviews. And she replied.

My subject line was “I don’t know how to stand out in the crowd”

Her response was “I don’t know – but you did.” She wants to call. She wants to talk to me.

How is it that life can feel so sad and empty one moment, and then, with just the tiniest change, feed me the smallest morsel of attention, and it’s all worth it? I’ve been here before, having gotten an response, and I know from experience that responses hardly ever turn into face-to-face meetings, and those meetings hardly ever turn into dates, and let’s not even talk about how rare friendships or relationships are from these humble beginnings.

I’ve been here before, but this moment, this one brief second of potential, feels… good. I’m going to savor it and try not to invest too much in its blossoming.

Sometimes the key is just in holding on for one more second. I haven’t finished… yet.

Not tonight.

Crap

Apparently someone found, guessed, or cracked my MySpace password. I just checked it, and there was a bulletin… from me… that was spam. A bulletin that I did not post.

That sucks. That’s like coming home to find that not only was my apartment broken in to, they also found my [potentially embarrassing but harmless evidence of a personal quirk], too.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. “Brian has a MySpace page?!” Ugh. I do.

The “F” word

Rockin’ out to Queen this morning on the bus, and checking out the tall, thin, cute brunette with the non-iPod. I wonder what she was listening to? I wonder what her reaction would be if she’d known I was listening to Queen? Good? Bad? Indifferent?

How about if she knew I had “Fat Bottomed Girls” on repeat? What then?

Who knows?

Rock on, Freddie. Rock on.

Customer Care, Part II

T-Mobile Customer Care responds to the iPhone (See previous post):

Dear Brian,

Thank you for taking the time to contact T-Mobile Customer Care, my name is James and I would be happy to assist you with your issue. I understand from your email that you are not happy with out selection of handsets, and you would like the iPhone. I will check into this for you and see if we have anything that can compare to the iPhone.

I have reviewed the iPhone in detail and I have found that our current leading data device, the T-Mobile Wing, is actually more sophisticated in many ways than the iPhone. I will explain further:

Currently, the iPhone specifications sheet shows that it offers the following features:

  • 2.0 megapixel camera
  • Touch screen
  • Internet browser
  • EDGE capable
  • WiFi capable
  • Bluetooth capable
  • Quad-band
  • Music player
  • Widescreen capable
  • Visual voicemail

I have compared the iPhone to our own T-Mobile Wing and I have found that save the visual voicemail, the Wing offers all of the preceding features (even the 2.0 high-quality megapixel camera). In fact, it offers several that the iPhone does not:

  • Microsoft Office (pocket office)
  • A full slide-out QWERTY keyboard in addition to the keyboard available on the touch screen; this can be extremely useful as if anything ever happens to the touch screen on the iPhone, it becomes useless until replaced
  • Expandable memory
  • Windows Mobile 6.0 (which allows you far more freedom than the proprietary iPhone operating system)
  • USB mass-storage capabilities (it is capable of uploading any type of file to the device and using many formats with built-in or downloadable applications)

As you can see Brian, the Wing is a far more versatile handset and offers more features than the Apple iPhone. Furthermore, while the iPhone runs from $499 to $599, I can offer you our T-Mobile Wing for far less with our Discount Handset Upgrade Program.

I am confident that this information will assist you Brian. Please, if you have further questions, feel free to contact us by replying to this email with the case # XXXXX or you can contact Customer Care by dialing 1-800-937-8997 or “611” from your handset and pressing “SEND”, both calls are free of charge. Our Customer Service representatives are available 24/7 and will be happy to assist you with all your T-Mobile needs. Thank you for choosing T-Mobile; we appreciate your business and your loyalty.

Best Regards,

James M.
Rep ID# 7XXXXXX
Web Correspondent
T-Mobile USA

Dear T-Mobile:

That’s nice.

Were there millions of people WAITING IN LINE for the Wing before it was released?

Are there people getting the Wing TATTOOED ON THEIR BODIES?

[signed] Brian Moon

I think my answer flummoxed them. They decided to pass me off on another rep, one with a much smoother line… James was just a “Web Correspondent”, but the new guy, James, is a “Customer Care Specialist” and he’s telling me that I can unlock the iPhone and stay with T-Mobile…

Dear Brian,

My name is Adam and I will be pleased to assist you today. I understand you contacted T-Mobile requesting confirmation if millions of people waited in line for the Wing before it was released; getting the Wing tattooed on their bodies. I look forward to providing you with World Class Customer Service.

Based on your email I left with the understanding you are referencing the Wing compared to the iPhone. Did we have millions of people standing in lines and sleeping outside to get it; no, but it is a business device and we had a lot of stock available to save our customers from having to lower to this level. Additionally, I did do a full search of anyone having the Wing tattooed on their bodies.

I did not locate anyone that had done this; but this is comparing to every different devices. The Wing is a device that is many used for our Business and Government customers. They would likely not want a picture of an electronic device on their bodies. The Wing is also an MP3 player and does internet and email etc.

The only difference to the iPhone compared to other devices on the market is the distribution and limited service model; along with the advertising. I know it is important to have a device that meets your connection needs and style. SO I would like to let you know you can just by the iPhone Unlocked online.

This way you can use it with T-Mobile or in the future with any company you wanted. This is a better selection anyway; as AT&T will not unlock the device for use with other providers. I trust this information is of assistance. I thank you for your time and I hope you are having an enjoyable Monday, Cheers!

If you have any future concerns Yen feel free to contact us back and reference Case Number #XXXXXXX or contact T-Mobile Customer Care at 1-800-937-8997. (611 from your mobile handset don’t forget to hit the Send Key)

You have been an esteemed part of T-Mobile since August 30th 2006 and I thank you for your selection of our service to stay simply closer to the people that matter most in your life.

Sincerely,

Adam A
ID #XXXXXX
Customer Care Specialist
T-Mobile USA

And why did James say I’ve been with T-Mobile since 2004, but Adam only allows that I’ve been with them since 2006? For the record, James is correct.

Customer care

Dear T-Mobile:

Can you tell me when my current 2-year contract expires? Thank you.

[signed] Brian Moon

Dear Brian,

Thank you for taking the time to contact T-Mobile Customer Care, my name is James and I would be happy to assist you with your issue. I
understand from your email that you would like to know your contract expiration date. I can appreciate that you might want to have this
information for your own records, or perhaps you are wondering when you will next be eligible for a discounted handset upgrade to replace your
current phone model.

After reviewing your account, I was able to determine that your contract expires on November 28th, 2007. Going forward from this date, your
current plan will continue as it is; but you will no longer be under a service agreement. Brian, in our experience; customers who ask when
their contract expires are sometimes thinking about canceling. As such, I would like to ask you if there are any concerns you have about your
service, or is there any reason you might be considering canceling?

Brian, you might also wish to take advantage of our handset upgrade program; which offers major discounts to our valued customers (like you)
on a new phone if you do wish to renew your contract. You can get an even greater discount by choosing the two year renewal option, and some
of our handsets can even be acquired for FREE! There are several handset models available, and you can view your pricing and renewal
options by accessing your online account at www.my.t-mobile.com. Once you have logged in, you will find a link that says “Upgrade your phone
online” near the bottom left of the page where you can view availability details.

Brian, I also want to take this opportunity to tell you how much we have appreciated having your business since June 21st, 2004. You are
definitely a valued and loyal T-Mobile customer, and we look forward to providing you with several more years of world class service!

Thank you for contacting T-Mobile Customer Care. I hope that this information has helped you Brian. Please, if you have further questions,
feel free to contact us by replying to this email with the case # XXXXXX or you can contact Customer Care by dialing 1-800-937-8997 or “611” from
your handset and pressing ‘SEND’, both calls are free of charge. Our Customer Service representatives are available 24/7 and will be happy to
assist you with all your T-Mobile needs. Thank you for choosing T-Mobile; we appreciate your business and your loyalty.

Best Regards,

James M.
Rep ID# 7######
Web Correspondent
T-Mobile USA

Dear T-Mobile:

Sorry. You no have iPhone. Me want iPhone.

[signed] Brian Moon

Bleah

Monday. Like I said to Tracy this past weekend, why does “a new day” have to be Monday!

Rode my bike to work this morning. About 30-35 minutes. Was passed several times by faster bikers, on their sleek racing bikes, with their shiny snug yellow and black bike uniforms.

I’m hoping this week is a fast one. But I always hope that.

No picture gallery

Whoa! I didn’t realize until just now that not only was my picture gallery broken, but it was a huge security breach, allowing apparently unfettered access to the root of my server’s drive.

Fixed now… but, man-oh-man, that was close!

No picture gallery until I get that re-installed.