Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Pain
You're hurt? You think you're in pain?Yeah, you probably are. Welcome to the human race. Just like the man said, everybody hurts.
You've got pain. I've got pain. Everybody's soaking in it. Into every life a little rain must fall.
I'd apologize for it, this pain you're feeling, but that's almost like taking responsibility for it. It's not my fault, man. I've got my own shit to deal with. I won't bore you with the list. Not that you'd likely be able to hear me, anyway, what with you being in your head and me being in mine.
Wait, maybe if we figure out what it all means, that will make it better. Sounds good, right? Finding a meaning, or a purpose, for our pain is a tradition with a long and storied past.
The eastern tradition is that pain is basically an illusion. For some reason, that's supposed to comfort you. "Hey, it's all in your head! Buck up, pal, if you were a better person you wouldn't feel hurt." I must be missing something but that seems like cold comfort to me. Maybe it's tough love or somethin'.
The western tradition isn't much better. Pain is somehow noble. Suffering is good for the soul. Hey, look at what Jesus of Nazareth went through, and he was the son of God. Nobody gets out of life alive, and in fact, the worse off you are, the more important you must be. Again... this seems backwards to me.
But both traditions come to the same conclusion about the ultimate goal. Getting rid of pain is what we're put here to do. Unfortunately, getting rid of pain means dying. Either in reaching samsara, nirvana, or heaven... basically, you're gone. Not of this world anymore. Pushing up daisies. Worm food. Buh-bye.
The modern, scientific conception of pain is that it's an alarm going off. "Hey, buddy! Wake up! Something needs changing!" Now this is more like it. I can get behind this meaning. No, it's not a fucking trick of my mind; it's really happening. And no, feeling this hurt isn't going to make me a better person; I am who I am already.
The downside to this idea of pain-as-alarm is that it suggests that pain is transitory, and that we can do something about it. It doesn't really address the concerns of the older traditions, that, like I said, everybody hurts.
It's also a pain in the ass if the source of the pain isn't obvious. If my arm is gone and blood is pouring out of the stump, the solution to ridding myself of the associated pain is clear; tourniquet, motherfucker, and 9-1-1, stat! But if I'm just fucking sad and lonely, and I'm lashing out in anger at anyone who comes close, and I'm eating too much or not enough and I'm closing myself up in my apartment and not doing a fucking thing at all... well, that is pain, too. But what's the course of action? Where's the source of the pain? It's not like I've got shrapnel in me that I can remove. I'm the source of my pain.
Let me repeat that, for emphasis: I am the source of my pain.
Applying the model I'm most comfortable with, if I'm in pain, then something needs to change. If I'm the source of my own pain, then I need to change myself.
I've been here before. I thought I'd figured it out. I was in pain, and, worse, I was causing my family pain. But I got it worked out. I kept on in what seemed like the right direction, and got some support, and things started to break my way.
But there was always a nagging reminder of suffering. I hadn't completely healed. And truth to tell, I'm fucking tired of changing. Changing my job, changing my habits, changing the food I eat and the clothes I wear and the friends I hang around... it seemed to help for a while, but the pain always comes back, so either I'll never be rid of it, or I haven't changed the right things, and I've reached the point where I don't really know what I need to change to fix this.
Sorry if this is maddeningly vague, but, again, I'm not going to bore you with the details, and I'm not going to ask you to put up with them. It's enough that you're reading this right now.
My point is simply this: Look, I understand that you're hurting. I'm not trying to be callous, or unsympathetic. I'm sure it hurts, and I'm sure it hurts a lot, and even if the solution looks obvious to me, I'm likely wrong, and even if the solution looks obvious to you, it may still be difficult to actually do.
But I'm in pain, too. It might not be obvious, and you may or may not think that the reasons for my suffering is somehow worth it, and the solution may be obvious to you or it may not... but, fuck it, this is my pain. As much as I wish someone could just take it away from me, as much as I wish I could just somehow wish it into receding, ain't gonna happen. Not today, anyway.
Fucking pain. It might, in the end, just be a reminder that we're here.
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I don't know much, but one thing I've heard is that we have to go through this pain in order to enable us to be stronger in the end. I dunno. I have my own pain to deal with.
As I said, no matter which tradition you follow, in the end, you're dead.
Me, I'm in no hurry to get to the end.
Me, I'm in no hurry to get to the end.
Hmmm.....
How does changing internally fix things? Could change merely be a bandaid - a temporary solution to the problem?
Secondly, if religion - Western thought or Eastern thought was looked at, in your blog, as a way of thinking, much like psychology is looked at to heal the internal hurts - mental or emotional - then are these ideas merely tools for people to use in helping them overcome their challenges?
Obviously internal hurts are difficult to diagnose, as the real pain is hidden under layers of secondary hurts, and learned behaviors that are used to defend and/or attack and not heal. We can't see them clearly ourselves easily, if at all.
I like what you've written here. I almost get the impression this was written while you were angry or stressed about one of your lists of issues. Yet, then I could see it as a tongue-in-cheek because of someone else venting their frustration to you.
There is, no doubt, a paradigm here to discover. To ponder and discuss further. Especially the internal pain. If our arm was removed, or received a giant slice to the face or chest, we would need medical attention fast. However, we, as human beings, tend to try to mend the internal stuff on our own, based on observations from others who have gone through similar experiences. Whereby, they too, have done the same thing.... Eventually finding out it was all wrong.
Are we atropied children? Kids are very good at being open: truthful and niave to experiences in front of them, staying in the moment, etc.
The point is, do we go back to basics? If you break your leg, you must learn to walk again, then why not with emotions too? And how important is it to have people around us, supporting us through our trials and challenges? If they are hindering our progress, and we can with some certainty it is because of them and not something I am doing wrong, than I must cut that part out - break the relationship.
Yet the trick is, people would rather isolate themselves then insulate.
Lastly, I don't think pain goes away. I believe once one pain is healed, another takes its place. We deal with pain. All. The. Time. The issue is do we focus on it - consumed by it until it either goes or away or kills us, or do we push it aside and focus on others in need, using the strengths we have? Is someone like Jesus - who in the Bible claims he focused on everyone else's need and not his own, or John McClain (Die Hard) - who focused on the greater need of the people in the building than his own personal demons - better than someone like Iago (Othello) or Tom Leykis - egocentric and selfish in thinking when it comes to dealing with pain?
There are pros and cons for each. And does it matter? Or is it really pain based on misperception of our universe? Is being lonely, for example, really saying that person is trying to hard to gain trust and acceptance from others? Society deems it lonliness as no one "normal" is like that. Could we then say that toward Thoreau?
In conclusion, I agree. Those feelings of discord are there, no matter if we think about them or not. Whether we heal them or not. Whether we fight them or not. It's the action (or inaction) we take because of it is what defines us.
How does changing internally fix things? Could change merely be a bandaid - a temporary solution to the problem?
Secondly, if religion - Western thought or Eastern thought was looked at, in your blog, as a way of thinking, much like psychology is looked at to heal the internal hurts - mental or emotional - then are these ideas merely tools for people to use in helping them overcome their challenges?
Obviously internal hurts are difficult to diagnose, as the real pain is hidden under layers of secondary hurts, and learned behaviors that are used to defend and/or attack and not heal. We can't see them clearly ourselves easily, if at all.
I like what you've written here. I almost get the impression this was written while you were angry or stressed about one of your lists of issues. Yet, then I could see it as a tongue-in-cheek because of someone else venting their frustration to you.
There is, no doubt, a paradigm here to discover. To ponder and discuss further. Especially the internal pain. If our arm was removed, or received a giant slice to the face or chest, we would need medical attention fast. However, we, as human beings, tend to try to mend the internal stuff on our own, based on observations from others who have gone through similar experiences. Whereby, they too, have done the same thing.... Eventually finding out it was all wrong.
Are we atropied children? Kids are very good at being open: truthful and niave to experiences in front of them, staying in the moment, etc.
The point is, do we go back to basics? If you break your leg, you must learn to walk again, then why not with emotions too? And how important is it to have people around us, supporting us through our trials and challenges? If they are hindering our progress, and we can with some certainty it is because of them and not something I am doing wrong, than I must cut that part out - break the relationship.
Yet the trick is, people would rather isolate themselves then insulate.
Lastly, I don't think pain goes away. I believe once one pain is healed, another takes its place. We deal with pain. All. The. Time. The issue is do we focus on it - consumed by it until it either goes or away or kills us, or do we push it aside and focus on others in need, using the strengths we have? Is someone like Jesus - who in the Bible claims he focused on everyone else's need and not his own, or John McClain (Die Hard) - who focused on the greater need of the people in the building than his own personal demons - better than someone like Iago (Othello) or Tom Leykis - egocentric and selfish in thinking when it comes to dealing with pain?
There are pros and cons for each. And does it matter? Or is it really pain based on misperception of our universe? Is being lonely, for example, really saying that person is trying to hard to gain trust and acceptance from others? Society deems it lonliness as no one "normal" is like that. Could we then say that toward Thoreau?
In conclusion, I agree. Those feelings of discord are there, no matter if we think about them or not. Whether we heal them or not. Whether we fight them or not. It's the action (or inaction) we take because of it is what defines us.
Additionally.....
Something from junior high came to me a moment ago, dealt with pain. It went something like this:
If you could get a frog to sit in a pot of water. And this pot of water was on a workable stove. If the heat was turned on - to high right off, the frog will notice and jump out. However if the heat was turn on slowly, moved up in tiny incriments, until eventually it reached its highest point, the frog would never notice. And he would be boiled unknowingly.
This idea reminds me of our own pains. Some are quick and noticable right off - harsh threats, violence, yelling, etc. While some are less noticable over time. Until it is too late perhaps. The baggage of our parents seen by the children, a relationship with a neurotic, and/or controlling person, etc.
I guess one has to spread all the information out, like a deck of cards and look at all objectively. Even the stuff which may not appear to be connected. And then, if it can be pieced together more linearally, than good on you, eh? However, most likely, it still doesn't make a lick of sense. And there is more pain on us as it is there because of the original pain we had in the first place.
I don't like pain. That's what I'll say here and now. Not that anyone else does. But it seems rather important to mention it, after all my analytical rigamaroll.
Something from junior high came to me a moment ago, dealt with pain. It went something like this:
If you could get a frog to sit in a pot of water. And this pot of water was on a workable stove. If the heat was turned on - to high right off, the frog will notice and jump out. However if the heat was turn on slowly, moved up in tiny incriments, until eventually it reached its highest point, the frog would never notice. And he would be boiled unknowingly.
This idea reminds me of our own pains. Some are quick and noticable right off - harsh threats, violence, yelling, etc. While some are less noticable over time. Until it is too late perhaps. The baggage of our parents seen by the children, a relationship with a neurotic, and/or controlling person, etc.
I guess one has to spread all the information out, like a deck of cards and look at all objectively. Even the stuff which may not appear to be connected. And then, if it can be pieced together more linearally, than good on you, eh? However, most likely, it still doesn't make a lick of sense. And there is more pain on us as it is there because of the original pain we had in the first place.
I don't like pain. That's what I'll say here and now. Not that anyone else does. But it seems rather important to mention it, after all my analytical rigamaroll.
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