If someone tells you

Drowning is a powerful metaphor. Humans seem to have an affinity for water even though we are not, by nature, aquatic (crackpot evolutionary theories aside). Most settlements are near running water, supposedly for practical reasons of transport or hydration, but, face it, we love to play in the water. We adore the sound of rushing water. We love the glint of sunlight on waves and ripples. We bathe, sometimes for the simple joy of feeling wet all over.

So when someone tells you that they are drowning, it stirs a strong response, doesn’t it? Even if it’s a metaphor, like they are drowning in work, or drowning in sorrow, It immediately brings a superposition of images and concepts, calls to mind feelings of sinking, of suffocation, of thrashing about, feeling resistance but unable to grab anything solid or secure. The colors that spring to mind are deceptive and therefore ironic: instead of the universal danger signal of warm firey reds or oranges, it’s cool blues and greens, peaceful, calming, encouraging relaxation and acceptance even as life escapes from the body in silver bubbles of air and the lungs fill with cold and possibly salty liquid.

Sinking, not rising. We associate rising with flying, and with heaven, and with birds and freedom. But sinking is normally connected to the earth, to both cold clay and the burning pain of hell. A sink is where we empty out containers, wash our hands of dirt and filth. A sink’s center is a drain, where the flow takes what is deposited and whisks it away. We sink money into a project, usually a bad or failed project that has become a colossal waste of time. Likewise, we sink into the sea, drowning amidst water, the stuff of life.

If someone is drowning, it requires a specific set of skills or tools to rescue them. Rescue is not something everyone can attempt. Despite our universal love of playing in water, not everyone can swim; and not everyone can swim strongly enough to support both themselves and a panicked friend. We have special jobs for those who have trained for just such a rescue, and because of their training and the specialized, romantic nature of their occupations, they seem to be among the most beautiful people around. Lifeguards, we call them, their sole purpose that of rescue, a specific kind of rescue that only someone who has overestimated their own abilities requires.

If someone is drowning but a heroic trained guardian of life is not available and our own skills are insufficient to provide rescue by ourselves, sometimes we can avail ourselves of the tools of rescue. Almost every tool associated with drowning rescue has life as its prefix. Life preserver, lifeline, life jacket. Here, often, we find the angry reds and oranges again inverted in meaning, becoming life-giving, life restoring. We toss out the tools, but the drowning victim must still reach out and take what is offered and make use of it, before it all balances again and the would-be rescuer and the would-rather-not-be-drowner can again meet in the middle, balance restored.

In and out of bed

I woke up around 7:30 AM this morning, couldn’t get back to sleep but didn’t want to be up early on a dark rainy Saturday morning. I puttered around, answered some email, fed Smacky and gave him his medicine, put some laundry in… started feeling sleepy again, went back to bed.

Then I realized that I would need some calories for the run later, since I had planned on running at some point today, and thought I should get up and eat something. I figured I’d nap for another hour or two. I thought it was smart to do that; I’ve read in Runner’s World that having 200-300 calories before a tough run is a good thing. Of course, they’re talking about running marathons, so I’m not sure it applies, but I did it anyway. Drank a couple of glasses of water, too, to hydrate. Or something.

Best part was waking up a couple of hours later, face down and sprawled in bed, with Smacky sprawled across the back of my head and neck, keeping my ears warm. What a good kitten. It was actually his snoring that woke me; the strange wheezy purr infiltrated my dreams. I had to move carefully because I was afraid if I moved too quickly he would startle and claw me. Funny cat.

And, as a result of the eating and drinking, and maybe the extra sleep, I ran very well today. I tried not to notice how fast I was going, but it’s nearly impossible not to notice when running on the treadmill (too cold and rainy to run outside). I covered 3.1 miles in 30:14, or just a shade over a 9:45 pace. May not seem fast to other runners, but considering how lousy I’ve been doing this winter I’m pretty pleased with my pace and time. It means that whatever has afflicted me is going away, and I can get back to improving again.

Oddly enough, my legs were stiff for almost the first two miles. Didn’t seem like I could really loosen up until the final 3/4 or 1/2 mile. I warmed up and stretched beforehand.

A repayment of a sum of money

My combined Federal and State income tax refunds will cover the cost of an iPod Shuffle and a Mac Mini. Whoo-hoo!

…and even as I type this, they’ve been ordered. I’m getting the 1 GB Shuffle, and the faster Mac Mini. I paid Apple to upgrade to the SuperDrive (DVD-burner) and double the standard memory (for a total of 512 MB of RAM). Don’t need wireless and I’ve got a Bluetooth adapter for the Mini.

Also ponied up the $79 for Apple’s new iWork suite (can you call two programs a “suite”? More like a “bundle”), mainly for Pages. From the reviews I’ve seen, Pages is more like a page-layout program like Adobe’s InDesign, than it is a word-processor. Coolio.

Sadly, the Apple Store is quoting a ship time of “3-4 weeks” for the two hardware items. I’m likely to get the actual refund (thanks to the miracle of electronic deposit) before the items that it’s paying for show up. Ain’t that a stinker?

At least I’ll have the iPod Shuffle in time for the Shamrock Run in mid-March. If there’s no delays, at any rate.

Circle pose

Walking around downtown, I see so many people with iPods that it isn’t funny. At lunchtime, with the sidewalks crowded with lunchtime folk lunching on their lunchtime, I see at least one or two of the tell-tale white earbuds snaking out of a backpack or pocket.

Most of these people wear all black. Just sayin’. I wonder if it’s because black is cool, or because of the commercials?

Many of these people have a cool scarf of some kind. Also, just sayin’.

I did, however, see this one guy the other day (neither wearing black nor did he have a cool scarf) with the thin white cables snaking out of his hand. It’s so easy to spot people, they stand out. It’s not like I’m looking for them or anything. Really.

At any rate, as he approached, I could see that the white cables plugged into a cheap, blue-and-silver portable CD player.

Hmmm. What do you call it when someone poses as a poseur?

Reading the signs (or not)

So, last night, I was taking the bus home, feeling a little, y’know, anti-social, nose buried in my book (“All The President’s Men” — awesome. I will post a review over at Geeks Against Bush when I’m finished), sitting near the back of the bus…

The bus stopped in front of Portland State, and this brunette got on and sat across from me. I can’t judge age well but she seemed like she was in her late 20s early 30s, maybe? She was wearing these faded old jeans, and, well… wow. I noticed a picture badge hanging from her backpack that was from the university — but I couldn’t tell, in my quick glance, if she was a student or faculty. Seemed more student-ish.

I’m sitting on one of the sideways chairs, and she’s sitting across the aisle facing towards the front of the bus.

She’s sitting there, and I’m looking at her, and she’s looking around, and… frankly, I don’t know why she turned to look, but she did it slowly up to a point and then turned quickly to see if I was looking at her. I was. And, again, like the last time, I held her gaze, not smiling, just a neutral gaze straight into her eyes.

…which were a rich dark brown, by the way.

She holds the look for just the briefest of seconds, and when it becomes apparent that I’m not looking away, nor am I embarassed, she looks down and away and gives this very coy, but also very sexy smile.

She has just the slightest blush, also. I smile, very subtly, back, and then return to reading my book.

When this happens, there’s a shock to my system, that’s hard to describe. But my mind goes into overdrive, fighting with myself as to what to do next.

Sadly, the part of my brain that says, “Do nothing; danger here!” won. 🙁

But for the rest of the bus ride, I can see her in my peripheral vision, over the top of my book, once or twice, look back in my direction.

When she got off the bus, she deliberately walked past the bus, and almost literally glared at me through the window, as if she was so disappointed that I hadn’t followed up on my direct stare.

It was… fascinating, actually. It made me recall another time from the night before. Another cute brunette, she was on the phone, I smiled at her and then sat right behind her. And after she got off the phone, she kept sneaking glances at me behind her.

This is the revelation I had, and it seems kind of basic and a stoopid thing for me to only now to be learning, after forty years… but here it is:

Some girls want to be approached.

Weird, huh?

It’s a completely new concept in my experience… but it seems to be happening a lot lately.

Meta: picture gallery

I’ve had a request that I’m asking for input on:

Over on the right I have my “Picture of the Week”.

I prefer to have it simply be a link to my picture gallery. But someone asked if it could be a link to the larger version of the picture.

Which would folks prefer?

Melting

The moon last night looked like it was melting in space, so bright and silver-gray but through the high thin clouds that appeared to be steam streaming from it…

Meta: The Modulato

While scanning my web logs, which are not the same thing as weblogs; what I was scanning was the logs associated with my web host… er, OK, at any rate…

I found a site that includes me in their links (or “blog roll”, which is another term for links or bookmarks posted online of other blogs; damn, the terminology is really getting out of hand, huh?)

…er, where was I? Oh, right: The Modulator has a page of the most complete blog links I’ve seen in a while. And, way down under the heading “Visual Arts” (which surprises the heck outta me, since I think of myself as a writer) is “Lunar Obverse”!

Coolio!

The folk at The Modulator also archive any and all “Friday Night Cat Blogging” (also dog, spider, etc., etc.), which I’ve learned is a long-standing tradition amongst bloggers. Little did I know…

Other things I’ve learned from reading the logs is that someone, somewhere, used the Belgian Google to search for something on my page. Twice! Yeah, baby! Bring on the Belgians!